


we know every note, every word by heart

by thotsandfeelings



Series: still feels good [3]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: AU, F/M, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:42:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28341861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thotsandfeelings/pseuds/thotsandfeelings
Summary: “Go to Rosslyn, Virginia for a Town Hall meeting? No thanks.”
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Series: still feels good [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895503
Comments: 51
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Go to Rosslyn, Virginia for a Town Hall meeting? No thanks.”

“What time do you think you’ll be home tonight?” Donna asks from her perch on the couch. 

“Depends on if Leo lets him work the crowd or not.”

She smirks. “He does love a good rope line.”

“I’m hoping we get the motorcade goin’ by 10 so I can be home around 11. He mentioned something about a softball game, so that should get us moving.”

Donna pouts. “What am I supposed to do all day without you?”

“You could come with us,” he suggests and plops down next to her, futzing with his tie before she swats his hands away and does it for him. 

“Go to Rosslyn, Virginia for a Town Hall meeting? No thanks.”

“Come on,” he pleads. “Zoey’s coming. You can hang out with her, keep her company while her dad heckles her from stage.”

Her fingers finish tying the knot around his throat and she chuckles. “I was thinking I take a nice long bath and open some wine and wait for my husband to get home while wearing something small and lacy.”

Josh’s eyebrows raise comically. “Your plan is way better.”

“I think so, too,” she murmurs and pulls him to her by his tie to kiss him. He nudges her down further onto the couch, shifting more comfortably over her, and he sneaks his hand under her shirt. 

“We could practice a little right now,” he mumbles and slides his palm down her belly to her bare thigh, going for her underwear until she grabs his wrist and pushes him back. 

“You’re already late enough from your little wake up call earlier.”

He smirks. “I didn’t hear any complaints,” he murmurs, nuzzling back into her neck and nipping at her skin. “Quite the opposite, actually.”

“Josh,” she groans, her legs wrapping around his waist despite her protests as he continues his path down her neck. “Leo’s gonna kill both of us if you’re late again.” She whimpers when he nips at her collarbone, her thighs clenching when his fingers sneak back down and run inside the seam of her panties. He’s just about to slide them off when she comes to her senses and pushes his shoulders again. 

“Baby, come on,” he whines. “I’ll blame traffic, it’ll be fine.”

Donna giggles, but holds her ground. “You need to focus today. You’ve got NASA and a televised Town Hall and who knows what else will pop up between now and 8am.” She sits up and brushes his cheek fondly with her thumb. “Abbey has a slow day, but I’ll be in the office for a little bit later. I’ll try and swing by between meetings.”

He grumbles when she stands with her empty coffee cup and he swats her ass playfully as she goes into the kitchen for a refill. “Alright, but we are having copious amounts of mind-blowing sex tonight, Donnatella.”

“Is that you _scheduling_ sex?” she asks, mock surprise lacing her voice. 

“No,” Josh says, coming into the kitchen. “No, no, no, I am only confirming that I will be able to finish what I started.”

“I’ll put you on my planner,” she teases and kisses him quickly. “Do good today.”

“‘Kay.” He kisses her again. “Come find me later?”

She nods her head and he takes a quick sip of her coffee before grabbing his backpack by the front door. 

“If I don’t end up seeing you, call me when you’re leaving the venue tonight.”

Josh opens the door and gives her his best dimpled grin. “I look forward to the small, lacy garment.”

She smirks. “Get out of here.”

He just keeps smiling and opens the door, a quick “love you!” thrown over his shoulder as it closes behind him. 

* * *

Donna sinks lower into the bubble bath, sighing happily as the water helps sooth her aching muscles. Her day ended up being much busier than she originally planned and her back is killing her. She closes her eyes for a moment until her phone pierces the silence. 

“Hi.”

“Good evening, wonderful wife of mine.”

She grins. “How’d it go? He didn’t torment Zoey too much did he?”

“Nah,” Josh says. “It’s nothin’ she can’t handle. And we got the good news from space.”

“Good,” she breathes, relieved. “I was worried about Toby.”

“Yeah, it’s been a successful night overall.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Are you, uh–“ he pauses and she hears some shuffling around, “are you in the bath right now?”

She smiles and scoots further down into the water. “Yes, I am.” Her smile widens when he hums wickedly in her ear. “I forgot the wine, though.”

“I’ll pour you a glass when I get home.”

“And when will that be, exactly? It’s already–“ she pulls the phone away to look at the little clock in the corner, “10:15, Josh.”

“I know,” he groans and she can picture him running his hand over his face. “We’re about to head outside now. Hopefully it’ll be a quick curtain call.”

“I miss you,” she murmurs, toeing the faucet absentmindedly. “I didn’t get to see you earlier.”

“Yeah, that was my fault.”

“It’s okay. Just hurry home.”

She hears him open a set of doors and his voice gets drowned out by the rope line noise. “I’ll call you when we get back to the White House, okay? I lo—“

“Josh? Honey, you cut out. What...,” but she trails off and frowns when what sounds like screams comes through from his side. “Josh?” She sits up, clutching the phone to her ear to try and make sense of all the noise. “What the hell is going on? Josh!”

She hears another scream, a loud thump, and the line goes dead.

* * *

Josh is sitting in a daze, his hands automatically putting pressure on his lower chest as blood pours out of him. Why is he bleeding? He can vaguely hear sirens and shouting, but all that's running through his mind is _where’s Donna_. He looks up when he hears Toby call his name, but he can’t find his voice before he tips over onto his side. 

He’s surrounded almost instantly, and he fights the dizziness and tries to catch a glimpse of her anywhere. 

“Where is she?” he slurs, getting agitated when the paramedics shout over him and drown out his voice. He coughs and tries to sit up, but every part of his body is screaming in pain. “Where is she!” 

CJ comes into his line of vision and he tries to focus on her, but he can’t hear anything but _noise_. 

“Keep pressure,” one of the paramedics says and he feels himself being lifted. 

“Josh,” Sam says and he whips his head around, breathing heavier now as everything swirls around him. “Josh, stay with us, buddy.”

“Sam, where’s Donna? Where’s—“ he coughs again and a mask gets put over his mouth. 

“Mr. Lyman, you need to stay still.”

“Sam—“

“We’re right behind you, Josh, just hang on, okay? You’re gonna be fine.”

He hears CJ’s voice for a moment, something about his blood type, then everything goes dark. 

* * *

Donna tries calling him back, but it keeps going straight to voicemail. She rises from the bath a little shakily and gets dressed in a haze, calling CJ and Sam and even Zoey, but no one’s answering. She doesn’t even realize she’s on the move until she’s in her car and driving toward the White House. She blows about four red lights and races inside, her pulse picking up when she sees a flurry of deputies and assistants, and she snags Margaret. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“There was a shooter at Rosslyn,” Margaret replies, clearly in shock as she roots around Leo’s office and stuffs things into a bag. 

“A _what_?!”

“All I know is what I saw on TV. Breaking News said a shooter opened fire on the President and—“ but that’s all Donna needs to hear before she tumbles out the door, almost running into Dr. Bartlet. 

“Donna,” she says, grabbing her arm and pulling her along with the Secret Service agents. 

“Is the President—“

“He’s alive. He’s on his way to GW. We’re meeting them there right now.”

Donna turns to the agent. “Josh– he was on the phone with me and all I heard was screaming before the line cut out. Has anyone heard from him?”

They pile into a waiting car and zoom off toward the hospital. “We don’t know any more details right now, ma’am,” one of the agents tells her. 

Donna’s hands shake as she grabs for her cell again and redials Josh’s number for the tenth time tonight. “Damn it!” she curses when he still doesn’t answer. “I need someone to get my husband on the phone _now_.”

* * *

“It’s Josh!” CJ yells to Leo as they all spill into the hospital. 

“I shouldn’t be at this meeting,” Josh mumbles incoherently from the stretcher, having regained consciousness in the ambulance. “She’s in New Haven. I gotta get to Yale, I gotta—“ The team of doctors lift him into the hospital bed and he tries to pull off the oxygen mask. “Donna! Where’s Donna, where is she?”

“She didn’t come tonight, Josh, remember?” Sam says. “Donna stayed home.”

“No, I have to get her– She’s hurt! I have to–“ 

He’s cut off when he passes out again. 

“We’re taking him up to OR 2,” the doctor says and Sam, Leo, CJ, and Toby watch, speechless, as they wheel Josh away. 

* * *

Donna’s heart is lodged in her throat once she and Abbey finally get to the hospital. She bodies her way past nurses and agents, looking for anyone who can tell her where the hell Josh is. She speeds up when she spies CJ in a waiting room and bursts through the doors. 

“Where is he?” she asks, completely frantic now as she looks from Sam to Toby to CJ to Charlie sitting forlornly in the chair. 

“Donna,” Sam starts, but she doesn’t let him get very far. 

“Where is he? All I heard on the phone was screaming and—“

“Donna, he was hit,” Toby says quietly, standing up from his seat and walking over to her slowly. He grabs the tops of her arms and leads her to a chair. 

“Hit?” she asks faintly, her eyebrows scrunching. Toby bites the inside of his cheek and tilts his head in that way of his that says ‘please don’t make me say it again’ and her breath hitches. “Is he...”

“He’s in surgery right now. Something about a collapsed lung.” She nods desperately, a choking sound escaping her, and she brings her hand to her mouth as CJ comes to sit on the other side of her, rubbing her back soothingly. “It’s critical.”

“He asked me to go tonight,” Donna says, her voice monotone. “I should’ve– I should’ve been there. I could have–“

“Donna, he’ll pull through this,” CJ murmurs. “He was yelling his head off in the ambulance and right before they took him back.” Donna lets out a high pitched laugh that quickly dissolves into tears as the situation finally washes over her. 

“You were with him?” she asks, turning to face CJ. 

“Toby found him and we rode with him.”

“Found him?”

“He was behind us coming out of the building,” Toby says quietly. “It was pure chaos, everyone was in a different direction than where they’d been before.”

Donna closes her eyes tight and rubs her temple. “He was talking to me on the phone. He was–“ she rubs her eyes roughly with the heels of her hands and sniffs. “I need to talk to someone. I’m sure there’s paperwork or—”

She stands up, a little shaky, but she ignores Sam’s hand trying to steady her. 

“Donna, it can wait.”

“But they’ll need to know his blood type,” she argues weakly, not putting up a fight when he leads her to sit back down. 

“CJ told them.”

“You know it?”

CJ grins a little wryly. “You know he loves being the star of the show. He was boasting about how he’s the most rare blood type there is one day when we were talking about healthcare.”

Donna nods and sighs deeply, the rest of them falling into silence around her. 

Always the star of the show, her Joshua. Damn him. 

* * *

The next few hours feel like they’re moving in slow motion. Donna sits restlessly in the waiting room for awhile, but finds herself wandering up and down the corridor aimlessly until she sees Abbey’s detail posted outside a door. She’s about to walk up when Zoey walks out, looking a little worse for wear. She smiles tiredly at Donna and gives her a hug. 

“How is he?” Donna asks, leading Zoey over to a bench. 

“Making jokes and being a general nuisance.”

Donna huffs out a laugh. “Sounds about right.” Zoey turns nervous, biting her lip and peering at Donna from the corner of her eye. “What?”

“My mom told him about Josh. He wants to see him.”

Donna blows out a long breath. “Is she letting him?” Zoey nods. “When?”

“Now.”

The door opens again and Abbey comes out, wheeling the President in front of her, and Donna stands. 

“Mr. President,” she says. “It’s good to see you, sir.”

He grabs her hands and pulls her down to kiss her cheek. “How you holdin’ up, kid?”

She shrugs. “We got another good update a little while ago, but he’s still got a long way to go.”

“He’s in good hands, Donna,” Abbey reassures. “We were on our way over if you want to see him.”

“You can get me in?” she asks, not wanting to get her hopes up. “They said I couldn’t.”

Jed pats her hand and gestures for Abbey to start walking again. “The leader of the free world holds a little more weight than Nurse Ratched over there.”

Donna chuckles and falls into step with Abbey, flanked by a hoard of agents as they make their way to the elevator. They ride in silence and before they get to the door of the OR gallery, Abbey stops. 

“Donna,” she says, turning toward her, and Donna raises her eyebrows in recognition. “It’s going to look scary. He’s gonna have a lot of tubes and wires sticking out of him, and he’s still on bypass so his heart isn’t beating on its own.” Donna takes a deep breath, but she stays calm. “They’re only halfway done. The bullet lacerated a good portion of his lung and since it didn’t exit, it made things a little more difficult.”

“The doctor explained a little to me when I talked to him earlier,” Donna says. She mentally prepares herself as Abbey nods and pushes the door open. The small gallery is quiet, just a hum from the sink and a squeak as Jed stands from the wheelchair with Abbey’s help. Donna walks around to the other side of the President and finally lands her eyes on Josh. She can’t help the little gasp or the tears that form in her eyes as she takes him in. She can’t see much, but it’s enough to make her breath come faster. “How long will he have those tubes down his throat?”

Abbey rubs her arm. “He’ll come off bypass in a few more hours when they’re done with the repairs, and depending on his vitals, he shouldn’t need them after surgery. Just the IV.”

President Bartlet wiggles his IV stand. “We’ll match.”

“What does the next 24 hours look like?”

“Well,” Abbey starts, “assuming the rest of his surgery goes according to plan, he’ll be in post-op in about 6 or 7 hours. From there, they’ll wean him off the morphine to wake him up for a moment and run some tests, but he’ll be pretty out of it for the next couple days.”

“What about recovery?” Donna asks, always wanting to be prepared. “How long will he be out?” She looks back at Josh through the window and her throat constricts. “Assuming everything goes well.”

“Three months minimum,” Abbey says. 

“He won’t like that,” Donna and the President say together, and she laughs quietly. 

“No, he won’t,” Abbey agrees, “but I know you’ll lay down the law.” Donna nods and grabs for the chain around her neck housing Josh’s wedding ring. The nurse had given Donna his things and she snagged it immediately for safe keeping. She runs it along the chain now and she feels Jed hold her hand again, squeezing hard. 

“Our boy’s a fighter,” he says forcefully. “We’ll make sure he gets taken care of.”

The three of them stand there for a little while until the President sits back down gingerly, his eyes drooping despite his best efforts, and Abbey turns him around to head back to his room. 

“Are you coming, Donna?”

“No,” she replies, sucked out of her daze, and she smiles at the pair of them. Her surrogate parents. “I think I’ll stay with him for a little while if that’s alright.”

Abbey nods. “Of course. Just nudge the agent at the door if you need anything.”

Donna lets out a broken sob once they're out of the gallery, and she braces herself against the sink as everything suddenly crashes over her. A few hours ago, she was in the bathtub flirting with her husband, and now he’s lying on a table with his chest cracked open because some Nazi psycho _shot_ him. She feels air heave in and out of her lungs and she sits on the cold concrete floor with her head between her knees as she tries to catch her breath. 

When she had dressed in a daze earlier, she didn’t realize she had thrown on the ever-loved Yale shirt she stole from Josh almost three years ago. He hasn’t worn it since, but there’s a slight residue of his scent from when he hugged her last night while she was wearing it, the smell of his cologne coming to her now like a balm on her fried nerves. She wraps her arms around herself tightly, trying to physically hold herself together, and she closes her eyes and prays with every morsel of her being that she doesn’t become a widow tonight. 

She isn’t sure how long she sits there, but once her tears have subsided into small sniffles, she stands on shaky legs and watches over him once more. It breaks her heart to see him so still. He’s always moving, always rearing for a fight, and she hopes that endless resilience will bring him back to her. 

“You’re not done,” she murmurs. “We’re not done, Josh. You can’t go yet, you have to stay. You have to keep fighting.” 

* * *

Sam finds Donna in the small gallery as the sun comes up over the Potomac. He gently forces her out of the room, reassuring her that Josh is almost out of the woods and he’ll beat Sam’s ass if he lets her go this long without rest or food. She picks at a crappy hospital muffin, but finishes an orange juice, so Sam considers it a win. She blatantly refuses to leave, so he has her assistant run to the apartment and pack a bag for both Donna and Josh, so he’ll have the essentials when he wakes up (“he _will_ wake up, Donna”). 

When the clock ticks closer to the 12 hour mark, she’s nudged from her doze by Charlie, opening her eyes to find the surgeon coming inside the room. 

“How is he?” she asks, immediately waking up instantly with her heart pounding in her chest. She faintly feels Charlie’s arm come around her shoulder and squeeze in support, but she doesn’t pay him any mind. 

“He’s in recovery,” the doctor says and Charlie’s arm tightens when Donna sways as relief washes over her. “Your husband sustained major injuries from the gunshot, but we were able to extract the bullet and repair the damage without too much difficulty. It’s going to take another 36 to 48 hours for his lung to re-inflate, and we’ll need to keep him here for a week or two as the wound heals to monitor for any further complications, but as of right now, he’s stable.”

“When can I see him?”

“I can take you right now, if you’d like.”

“Yes, please,” she says quickly, gathering her wits and her strength back. “Is it alright if we grab Dr. Bartlet?”

“Of course,” the doctor says.

“I’ll go tell her and the President,” Charlie says. “You go ahead.”

Donna nods and quickly follows the doctor to the elevators, her body buzzing with the intense need of seeing Josh. She practically jumps out of her skin when the bell dings and he leads her to a private room with two uniformed agents posted outside. He waves his credentials and Donna braces herself. 

“Dr. Bartlet said you’d wean him off the morphine for a little bit?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “We’ll do that now. It’s easier when there’s a familiar face to calm him down if needed.”

She nods and finally they open the door and she sees Josh in the bed, the tubes gone from his throat, only oxygen and the IV remain. Just like Abbey said. She moves slowly, afraid that one toe in the wrong direction will hurt him somehow, and when she finally reaches for his hand, feeling his warm touch, does she let out a sigh of relief. The doctor rolls a chair over for her to sit down and she does so gingerly, not wanting to jostle the hand she’s still clinging to. 

She looks him over; he needs a haircut, and to shave, but overall he still looks like her Josh. She leans forward and kisses his cheek softly, moving her free hand to run through his hair. 

The door opens again and she sees the Bartlets and Leo walk through, the latter coming over to her side and giving her arm a comforting squeeze. 

“We’re gonna wake him up,” the doctor says. “He won’t be in too much pain, but he’ll be disoriented.” Donna nods and grips Josh’s limp hand tighter. “Josh. Josh?” He doesn’t stir. “It’s okay,” the doctor says. “We want you to wake up.”

Josh’s eyes finally flutter and Donna tampers down the need to throw herself over him and weep. “Honey?” she whispers, still combing through his hair. He mumbles something that she can’t make out. “What’d you say? I couldn’t hear you.”

“You… hurt?”

She smiles at him, her eyes watery despite her best effort. “No, I’m not hurt,” she murmurs and kisses his forehead. 

He blinks slowly, his face contorted in a frown. “Donna.”

“I’m right here, Josh.”

“ _Donna_ ,” he says, his voice raspy, but a little louder, and he tries to reach for her. 

“Don't move. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“I couldn’t find you,” he slurs, getting worked up now, and her heart breaks all over again. “You weren’t there. I couldn’t— I thought—“ he cuts off when his tears get lodged in his throat and Donna cradles his head. 

“Shhh,” she soothes, “it’s okay, Josh. I’m right here. You found me.” She kisses his skin again, reassuring him over and over that she’s okay, that she’s safe. 

“I love you,” he mumbles, finally starting to calm down as he reaches his right arm up slowly to rest on her shoulder. “Kiss me.”

She smiles and honors his request, kissing him properly this time on the lips. A ghost of a smile crosses his face and she almost cries again when a dimple peeks out at her, but she just kisses him repeatedly, cupping his cheek affectionately as he relaxes. 

“I love you, too,” she murmurs, leaning back and brushing her thumb over his skin. “So, so much.”

“I’m gonna need a rain check on the small, lacy garment and copious amounts of sex.”

She snorts loudly at that, glad that he’s at least getting his bearings back, and feels the blush start to creep up her neck as she hears their audience chuff behind her. 

“We’re not alone, babe,” she says and finally leans back so he can see the room. 

“At least he didn’t lose that charm we all love so much,” Abbey teases and she helps the President step forward. 

“Mr. President,” Josh says, wincing when he moves too quickly. “You okay, sir?”

“I’m sorry to say you got the brunt of it,” Bartlet replies and he takes Donna’s place with his hand on Josh’s head. 

“Better me than you,” he replies, his voice heavy. He’s going for a joke, but Donna knows how serious he is. 

“Josh,” she admonishes softly, lifting his wrist and laying her cheek onto his open palm. 

He turns back to her, rubbing his thumb clumsily across her skin. “Can I have some water?” She sits up, but the nurse is already bringing a cup over. Donna holds it for him and he downs it all before wincing again when his torso twitches. “Ow.”

“You’re gonna be in pain for a little while,” the doctor says. “I’ll go over the long term care and paperwork with your wife, so all you need to know is you’re bed bound until I say so.”

“Hey, Leo,” Josh mumbles, turning again. “‘M gonna need some time off.”

Donna rolls her eyes and Leo smirks. “That’s fine. You can annoy your doctors instead of me for a little while.”

Josh smiles sleepily, his eyes drifting shut again and Donna shoos everyone out of the room, telling the President he needs to rest, too. 

“Donna,” Abbey says softly, grabbing her hand, “take all the time you need, alright? Don’t worry about me right now. Take care of him.”

“Thank you,” Donna whispers and she surprises herself when she gives her boss a hug. “For everything.”

Abbey squeezes back before heading out the door. “Anytime.”

Donna plants herself back in the chair next to Josh’s bed, taking his hand automatically, and his eyes flutter open again. 

“Donna?” She hums in acknowledgment. “Tired,” he breathes, his voice garbled from the morphine kicking back in. 

“You can sleep, Josh.”

“Bed’s too small.” He frowns. “You can’t fit.”

She smiles and leans forward to rest her head next to his. “This is as close as I can get for a little while.”

“I don’t like it,” he says, his eyes closed, but his forehead is still scrunched in indignation. 

“Me neither.” She kisses him softly. “But you’re here, so I’ll take what I can get.”

He turns his head into hers, searching for something. “One more,” he whispers, sighing happily when he finds her lips again. “Don’t leave.”

“I’m right here,” she says, tightening her hold on his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

* * *

The next few days blend together into never ending exhaustion. They had moved Josh from recovery to a private room and provided Donna with a cot, but she (and Josh) preferred the chair next to him. She’d get a quick horizontal nap on the cot here and there when Josh was taken for imagining or other tests they needed to run, but it was never restful.

He thankfully didn’t form any clots and the doctors say his incision, as well as the entry point, are healing nicely. Donna has the nurse show her how to change the bandage, and she takes over after the first couple days. 

Josh is mainly in and out of consciousness, and when he is awake, it isn’t for very long. After day four, he became more coherent and would be awake for longer stretches of time. Donna stayed resolutely by his side, reassuring him the first few days that she’s okay, that she isn’t hurt, and let him know where he is. Always staying patient and keeping him calm. 

They’re in the middle of week two now, though, and she’s at her wits end. 

“Josh, for the hundredth time, I don’t _care_ about theoretical physics.”

“But, Donna, the String Theory is _insane_. I mean, right now, in this room, there are _billions_ \- no, _trillions_ \- of little strings just connecting the entire world together.”

“Do you think I could use some to gag you?” she asks off-handedly, flipping through some of the physical therapy brochures the hospital had given them. 

Josh doesn’t stop though. “I mean, they're talkin’ about different dimensions! What Cal Tech is doing—“

“Josh,” Donna interrupts, standing and whipping the newspaper from his lap. “I love you so much, but I swear to God, if you don’t stop talking about the goddamn String Theory–“

“ _Unified_ String Theory.” 

She glares down at him. “–I’m gonna off you myself.”

He smirks at her, always amused by her annoyance, and grabs her hand to pull her down on the bed with him. They’ve been able to find a position to contort into that doesn’t hurt him, and he tucks his arm around her now, one of her legs hooked around his ankle. She sighs heavily, always feeling better when she’s close to him like this, and she plays with the fingers of his IV free hand. 

He had told her to keep his wedding ring around the chain for now because his fingers have been swelling up and down, and she feels the cool metal against her chest, reminding her what she could’ve lost. She holds him tighter. 

“We get to go home on Friday,” she murmurs and she feels his nod. 

“They told me while I was waiting for the CT.”

“I talked to Abbey, and she said that I’m more than welcome to stay home with you if—“

“Donna,” he interjects, exasperated by this conversation. “ _No_. You’re going back to work next week, we’ve talked about this.”

“Why would we hire an in-home nurse when I can just stay with you and do it myself?” she argues. “We can go back to work at the same time.”

“You are not my caretaker.”

“The hell I’m not,” she mumbles. 

“You need to go back to work. The First Lady needs you. The _country_ needs you.”

She leans back from him. “And you don’t?”

He sighs again. “I have plenty of nurses and doctors, alright? I need my _wife_. Why do you think I make you leave the room any time they have me do any kind of therapy? I get frustrated and I yell and throw things...” He rubs her shoulder soothingly. “This is hard enough. I don’t wanna strain _this_ if I don’t have to.”

“I’m a big girl, Josh. We said ‘in sickness and in health’, remember? I knew what that could mean. I can handle you yelling at me. You do it all the time.”

“This is different,” he murmurs. “You’re the face I wanna see afterwards, the motivation to get me through an exercise, not the target of my irritation.” She snuggles deeper into the crook of his arm, exhaling heavily, and he knows he’s finally convinced her. 

“I’m gonna worry about you constantly.”

He smiles and kisses her forehead. “I expect many chiding phone calls and lunch break visits when the nurses tell on me for being a pain in the ass.”

“If you don’t want me there, then I’m at least adjusting my schedule and working from home the couple days you won’t have an appointment.”

“You’re not adjusting your schedule and I will allow one partial work from home day.”

“ _Allow_?”

“Look, I don’t have a whole lot of say in, well, anything right now, but I’m strongly urging you to keep your schedule with the First Lady. You can do a half day on Friday or something, but you have a job to do. I will have plenty of people watching over me all day long and they will have multiple ways of contacting you should anything go wrong.” He squeezes her shoulder. “Which it won’t.”

“Fine, but no west wing visitors until I say so,” she orders. “No Toby or Sam or CJ coming to the house and getting you all riled up. They can call and they can send material with your assistant, but that’s it. Do you understand?”

“Yes, boss,” he quips, the conversation over, and he snuggles into her. “I’m tired. Can we watch a movie or something?”

“What would you like to nap your way through today?”

“You pick,” he murmurs, already closing his eyes. “I picked last time.”

She gets up slowly and goes over to the small VHS selection underneath the television. “How about ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest‘?”

Josh quirks an eyebrow at that. “You’re not gonna get any ideas are you?”

She chuckles and inserts the tape before turning out the lights and grabbing the extra blanket from the cot. She climbs back in next to him and throws the afghan over their feet before snagging the remote and snuggling back into Josh’s side. 

“I know you’re a little on the wild side sometimes, but I’d choke out Nurse Ratched myself before I let them lobotomize you.”

Josh hums. “I knew I married you for a reason,” he murmurs, and he’s out before the opening credits stop rolling. 

* * *

By the time the nurse staff gets Josh upstairs to their apartment, he’s about to drop from exhaustion. They thankfully have an elevator, but he still had the front steps to climb since he refused to be hauled up by the wheelchair. He also had to wait for them to set up the bed because theirs is too soft and he needs the reclining function for the time being to keep his chest elevated. 

As soon as the door shuts behind the nurses, Donna starts tidying up and rearranging the living room while Josh finally sleeps. She does a load of laundry and starts dinner, whipping up some pasta to get rid of the bad taste of the hospital food they’ve been living on for two weeks. She drains the noodles and is about to dish some into bowls when she hears something from the bedroom. She turns off the water and listens carefully, her ears perking when she hears what is definitely a groan before a shout of her name. She drops the pasta back in the pot and rushes to the bedroom. 

“Josh?”

She turns on the bedside lamp to see him still asleep, drenched in sweat, with his face scrunched in pain. 

“Josh, baby, wake up,” she says, worry etching her tone as she tries to shake him awake. 

“ _Donna_.” 

“I’m right here, Josh. You’re just dreaming, wake up.”

He shouts her name again, but his eyes open this time as he heaves air into his lungs. “Donna? Donna!”

Donna grabs his face with her hands so he can see her. “I’m right here, Josh. You’re okay, I’m okay. It was just a bad dream.” She leans her forehead against his, pressing his hand on her chest so he can feel her heartbeat. “Just breathe. Breathe with me.”

He follows her counting and he calms down after a few minutes. He closes his eyes and leans away from her, and she brushes the hair off his forehead. 

“You’re okay,” he murmurs, gripping her hand tightly in his. 

“So are you.” She keeps caressing his face softly, but he tugs on her so she’ll get into the bed with him. He can’t wrap his left arm around her the way he wants to, so she wraps him up instead, cradling him in her body, being careful to not jostle him too much. “You’re okay, Josh.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she whispers. “The doctor warned us this might happen. It’s okay.” Josh clings to her, his breathing still a little ragged as she soothes him. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but if you do...”

He nods and exhales deeply as the anxiety starts to seep out of him. “Not yet,” he says, his voice stronger than it was a minute ago. He looks up and pulls on the sweater she’s wearing until she takes the hint and kisses him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she says quietly, kissing him again in quick succession to draw a smile from him and letting him rest against her. He clings to her, running his hands over any part he can reach, reassuring himself that he’s awake and she’s alive and next to him. “I’m not hurt, Josh. I’m okay.”

“It felt so real,” he whispers, turning his head into her neck and inhaling deeply. 

“It was just a bad dream,” she soothes. “We’re okay.”

She feels his breathing get deeper and he’s asleep again soon enough. Her stomach growls, but she holds him tighter against her, hoping the closeness can stave off any more nightmares that try to invade his dreams. 

Dinner can wait. 

* * *

“Josh?”

“Stay there!”

Donna throws her keys on the desk by the door, her brows furrowed as she shucks her coat. “What’s going on?”

“Just stay there, will you?”

“Are you hurt?” He laughs and it eases her nerves, but only slightly. He’d called her at work and told her to come home immediately, no other details, so she rushed over as quickly as she could. “Josh, tell me what’s going on right now or I’ll—“

He finally rounds into the living room, holding a short stack of their heaviest books. His shirt’s all sweaty, but the big smile on his face is a sight for sore eyes. It’s been weeks since she’s seen him look this happy. 

“You couldn’t do that last week,” she says, grinning as he walks over to her carrying five times the weight he could carry a few days ago. 

“And for my last trick,” he teases before lifting the books just above his head and spinning around for good measure. 

“You’re one step closer to that ballerina dream, my darling.”

Josh makes a big show of walking back to the kitchen table and setting the books down before bowing gracefully as she applauds him. His breathing is labored so she walks over and sits him down on one of the chairs. He pulls her onto his lap and she protests, sticking her nose up at his sweatiness, but he pulls harder. 

“You need a shower,” she says, but kisses his cheek anyway. He rubs his head onto her shirt and she blanches. “Josh! Gross!”

He grins up at her and brings his hand to the back of her head to kiss her. “You love me,” he murmurs, kissing her again.

“Is this what was so important?” she mumbles against his lips, tightening her hold around his shoulders. “I canceled a meeting for you to use me as a wet rag?”

He hums. “I missed you. I couldn’t wait another four hours.”

“You’re in an awfully good mood for just getting out of PT.”

“I feel good today.” He shrugs. “I finally feel like I’m getting my old strength back. I even ate a whole solid meal for lunch. No applesauce.”

“I’m very proud of you,” she says and kisses him on his temple once more before standing from his lap. “I still have some work to do today, though.”

“Like what?” he asks, raising his eyebrows hopefully. “Something I can help with?”

She gives him a look. “Now the truth behind you rushing me over here comes out. You’re bored and using me for work.”

He schools his face into the picture of innocence. “Ye of little faith, Donnatella.”

“Mhmm. You’re not sneaky, Mr. Lyman.”

“You’re just too smart for me, Mrs. Lyman.”

Donna starts at that, standing to attention and immediately bringing her hand up to her chest. She moves the chain around her neck to finger his wedding ring that she’s still been keeping safe, and looks at him. 

“Speaking of… Do you want this back or should I keep holding onto it?”

Josh’s face softens and he stands up next to her. “I can wear it again,” he says, smiling as he watches her undo the chain and let the ring fall into her palm. Josh gives her his left hand and she slides the band back where it belongs, kissing it once before she laces their fingers together. “Thanks for keeping it safe for me,” he murmurs, wrapping her up in a big hug.

“Thanks for coming back to me.”

Josh hugs her tighter and kisses the side of her head. “Always will,” he murmurs, pulling back to kiss her softly. “I promise.”

She grins, caressing his cheek and kissing him one more time before pushing him toward the bathroom. “Go shower,” she says, swatting his ass playfully. “Then you can help me with this bogus appropriations bill they’re trying to scam us with.”

“Best wife ever,” he calls as the bathroom door shuts behind him. 

* * *

The waning weeks running up to the midterms go much faster than Donna would like. She and Josh have their routine, and he is getting better, but no matter how hard she tries to slow him down, he always wants to cut corners with his healing and it scares her. He moves too fast or tries to do something that he’s not strong enough for yet and she’s so worried she’ll get a call saying he’s collapsed or worse. 

Senior staff members still aren’t allowed at the apartment, but they call him about 87 times a day for things that Donna knows do not need his attention. She’s been worried that the unnecessary stress would lead to more nightmares, but he hasn't had another one since that first time, thankfully. He’s started calling her his dream catcher and refuses to sleep without her right by him. She knows it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism and it’ll more than likely rear its ugly head later on, but she doesn’t want to strain him anymore than he already is. He’s been working behind the scenes as much as he can for the midterms, but it’s nowhere near the amount he wants to which frustrates him which in turn stresses Donna out. By the time his three months are up, his physical therapy done, and his doctors sign off for his return to work, she’s having a conniption. 

“ _Donna_ ,” he groans for the third time. “I’m ready.”

“You’re _not_. You still get winded going up and down the stairs, your left side is so sore some mornings that you can’t even wash your hair with both hands, and your blood pressure is still too high.”

He flops down on the couch next to her, the pajamas CJ had sent him basically acting as a blanket for how big they are, and he grabs her hand. “The doctors never said I had a perfect bill of health. I still have follow-ups and exercises to do every day, but returning to work is what I need to do. I’m goin’ stir crazy, baby, I’m climbing the damn walls. I told you. I’m an—“

“If you call yourself an outdoorsman one more time, I’m telling CJ and the boys that you’re not taking visitors tonight.”

He smirks. “CJ and The Boys sounds like a great band name.”

“You’re not funny.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’ll be _fine_ ,” he implores, forcing her to look at him. “Besides, I’ll be in the building surrounded by secret service agents. If I keel over—“

“Don’t even joke about that,” she says, her eyes glassy. “You know how nervous this makes me, Josh. You’re not the type of person who can sit still or be calm. You have the resting heart rate of a hummingbird.” She plays with his fingers. “I almost lost you and I don’t want _anything_ , including your nonstop work ethic, to ruin your recovery.” 

Josh pulls her into his side, kissing her temple and hugging her tight as she exhales shakily. “I’ll try and slow down,” he murmurs. “And you can come see me as much as you want.”

“You might regret saying that.”

He chuckles and squeezes her one more time before standing and grabbing her hand. “Come on. They’ll be here soon and I need some fresh air.”

She stands with him and grabs his coat, helping him into it before walking out of the apartment hand in hand. 

“I still can’t believe CJ thought these would fit you,” she notes, tugging on the pants of his PJs as they sit down on the cool steps to their building. 

Josh smirks. “They’re pretty cozy, actually. I like ‘em.”

He turns his head when he hears a car door shut and smiles brightly when Sam, Toby, and CJ pile out. 

“Look at you!” CJ yells, walking up the steps and kissing his cheek before sitting down. “How ya feelin’?”

“I’ll feel better if we flip the House."

“Can you drink beer like men do?” Toby asks, talking to Josh, but looking at Donna. She grins and squeezes Josh’s knee. 

“Yes, he can.”

Toby passes the bottles around and Josh moans dramatically at his first sip. “God, everyone should have to be cooped up for three months. It’s like I’m seeing colors for the first time.” Donna rolls her eyes, but he continues. “I appreciate the outdoors now. I’m an outdoorsman.”

“Josh?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I said I’d let you outside if you’d stop talking about being an outdoorsman.”

Josh huffs as CJ says, “are you wearing the pajamas I got you?”

“Yup.”

“Stand up. Let me see.” Josh stands and the pajamas fan out around him, falling past his hands. “Those are too big.”

“Yes, they are. All this time I've been working with you, did you also think I was playing power forward for the Cleveland Cavaliers?”

Donna grins. “I think you look cute.”

“I think you’re all insane,” Toby says as Josh sits back down. 

CJ smirks and looks at Donna. “I bet he’s been driving you crazy. I only had to deal with the String Theory on the phone, you got it up close and personal.”

“You thought I’d forgotten, didn’t you? I was right!” Josh exclaims. “I told you— I told you to lead with it, CJ. You all said it wasn’t news. Banner headline of the Times just five days ago: Model for the Unified String Theory _solved_.”

“Oh, give it a rest,” CJ says. “How haven’t you been smothered with a pillow yet?”

“There’s still time,” Donna quips, giving Josh a look. “I’m gonna have to bug his office next week to make sure he behaves.”

“I’m a grown ass man,” Josh argues, taking another sip of his beer. “I’ll be fine. I’m feeling good!” He gives Donna a grin, flashing his dimples for good measure before leaning over and pecking her on the lips. “I had the best warden.” He kisses her again and sits up straight when Sam makes his way over to them. 

“You’re never gonna believe it.”

“What?” CJ asks. 

“Twelve races. In none of them did the incumbent win. In none of them did the party that previously held the seat win. You know how it went? Seven to five.”

Josh stares at him incredulously. “You’re kidding me.”

“Seven republicans and five democrats?” CJ clarifies. 

“Yep.”

“The House stayed the same.” Josh lets out a sardonic laugh as the reality washes over them. All that time and money. Wasted. “Democracy has a pretty big sense of humor.”

Donna shakes her head and picks at her beer bottle before looking at Toby who raises his. “God bless America.”

She smiles and feels Josh squeeze her leg as they clink their bottles together, echoing the sentiment. 

“What now?” CJ asks. 

“We go back to work tomorrow,” Sam says, staring blankly at the cement steps.

They sit in silence for a while, all lost in their own thoughts until Josh lets out a big yawn and stretches his arms over his head. Donna stands and hands their beer bottles to Toby who tosses them in a recycling bin and opens the passenger door to the car. 

“Talk to you tomorrow,” he says, ducking his head and plopping in the seat as Sam and CJ say their goodbyes and pile in before driving away. 

Josh throws his arm around Donna’s neck as they watch the car until it rounds out of sight. She looks up at him and smiles sleepily as he turns them around and leads them back upstairs. He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. 

“The House stayed the same.”

“Yeah,” she murmurs, opening the door and kicking off her shoes. “We’ll try again in a couple years.”

She helps him with his jacket and pulls him by his big pajamas into the living room and toward the bathroom. 

“Where are you taking me?” he asks, grabbing her wrist. “I gotta call Leo.” Donna doesn’t say a word as she lifts the massive shirt over his head and lets it fall to the floor before turning the tap on in the tub. He stares at her with an amused expression on his face. “What’s happening?”

She lifts her own shirt up and off, staring at him as she shucks her trousers off, too. He’s about to protest again, but she unhooks her bra and she can see the thought die in his eyes as he zeros in on her breasts. 

“We’re taking a bath to get your mind off things,” she says matter-of-factly, shimmying out of her underwear as she throws some bath salts and soaps into the steaming tub. She looks behind her shoulder when he’s silent, smirking when she sees his face. “Is it working?”

“Uh huh,” he replies dumbly, blinking and closing his mouth before dropping his pants. “We, uh—“ he trips over the wide pant leg and she steadies him. “I still can’t have sex, though.”

“I know.” She dumps their clothes in the laundry and grabs his hands once he’s finally naked and draws him into the bathtub with her, smiling when she hears his heavy sigh of contentment. “We’re just gonna relax,” she murmurs, circling his arms around her until she’s comfortable between his legs. 

He hums and kisses her neck. “‘Kay.”

She feels him drag a hand up to fondle her breast and she lets him, sighing when he rolls her nipple between his fingers, but she stops when she feels the telltale hardness at her back. 

“ _Relax_ , Josh.”

“I’m very relaxed,” he mumbles, sucking her earlobe into his mouth. 

She leans away from him. “Well, Little Josh isn’t.”

He frowns. “I thought we talked about you nicknaming parts of my anatomy.”

She grins. “He can’t play for another couple of weeks, so get it together.”

“He’s lonely," he whispers, pouting dramatically. "He hasn’t gone this long without any action for decades.”

Donna laughs and leans back to rest against his shoulder, bringing her hand up to pat at his cheek. “I know the feeling,” she murmurs and guides him down to kiss him gently. 

“Just because I can’t, doesn’t mean you can’t,” he says, his voice gravelly as he sneaks his hand down to her breast again. She arches against him as he travels lower, grabbing onto his bicep as he continues to kiss her jaw. 

“Josh,” she breathes, already more wound up than she wants to admit. It’s been a long three months and sex has been pushed out of her mind completely, her only focus being on keeping Josh on track, but she’s finding it hard to stop him now. She gasps and turns her face into his arm as he flicks at her clit. “You don’t have to.”

“Relaxing you will relax me,” he assures her, smiling into her hair when she moans. She doesn’t stop him as he rubs at her generously now, using his fingers to massage her folds as the heel of his hand puts pressure on her sensitive nub. “It’s been so long, Donna.”

“I know,” she whimpers. “I miss you.”

“The only time we’ve gone this long is right after we met.” He continues his ministrations, pinching her nub and running his free hand up and down her torso, watching as the water moves against her pale skin every time she rocks with him. 

She moans his name when he flicks at her faster, her back bowing out of the water and Josh wraps a strong arm around her hips to hold her down. 

“Talk to me,” she says breathlessly.

“You’re so beautiful like this, Donna. I need to do this in front of a mirror so you can see just how incredible you are.” She moans again and closes her eyes, bringing her hand up to play in his hair. “You’re so good to me, baby,” he whispers, nosing her jaw so he can kiss her skin. “I hope I make you feel even _half_ as good as you make me.”

“You do,” she whines, guiding his wrist where she wants him. “You make me feel so good, Josh.” She huffs out a quick exhale and he knows she’s close by the way she can’t sit still. “Fuck, _Josh_.” She lets out a high pitched hum and he smiles as he works her through her orgasm, softening his touch before digging in harder, and he feels a second crescendo thrum over his fingers. 

“I love you so much,” he says into her ear, still moving his fingers steadily until she sits back down completely and pulls his face to hers for a searing kiss. “So much, Donna. I swear, I’d be lost without you.”

She smiles against his mouth and kisses him again as he circles his arms back around her waist. A shudder crests over her and he holds her closer, his face burrowed into her neck. They sit there for a while, Donna’s breathing going back to normal, and once the water cools around them, he kisses her shoulder and budges her up on shaky legs. 

“Let’s go to bed.”

* * *

“You have your spirometer?”

Josh pats his backpack. “Check.”

“What about your meds? You still have another week of 3 times a day.”

“You put the pill case in your purse,” he reminds her. 

“Right.” She taps a pen against her forehead and he waits patiently for her to realize that there’s nothing left to do but go to work. “Are you sure you don’t wanna do a half day instead? I know—“

“Donna.” He cocks his head knowingly. “I’m going.”

She sighs, closes her eyes for a beat, and looks up at him. He grins when he sees the determined look on her face. It’s the one he saw for months on the campaign, the one she always puts on when she means business. 

“Take it easy, Josh,” she warns, pointing her finger at him as she steps closer. He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her to him, still wearing the smile that he knows she can never resist. “I don’t wanna hear you shouting from the west wing or see you running around the halls. I have eyes everywhere. I’ll know.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says and rubs the top of her arms. “We still on for lunch?”

She nods and does up his tie as she replies, “yes, barring any First Lady emergency. I’ll come get you around noon. I already had your assistant email me your schedule for the week.” She pats the windsor knot and tugs on the end of the tie, looking him right in the eye. “I love you, you know.”

“I know.”

“And I’m going to happily annoy you with med reminders.”

“I know.”

“And random visits.”

He smirks. “Those I’ll enjoy.”

She looks at him for a beat, making sure he’s not completely joking, and nudges him closer for a kiss. He smiles against her lips, his hands anchored to her waist as she drops his tie to grab his face. She leans back, but he presses forward, stealing a couple more kisses before leaning his forehead against hers. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs and she tweaks his ears with her thumbs. “For everything. I know I’m not an easy patient.”

“No, you’re not.”

“But I wouldn’t be here without you.” He leans back and tucks her hair behind her ear and kisses her forehead. “And I love you, too.”

Donna smiles and takes his hand, handing him his backpack, and opens the front door. 

“Let’s go to work.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you have it all figured out, Donna, why are we having this conversation?”
> 
> “Because I’m your wife,” she states firmly. “I care about you and I’m _scared_ , Josh.”

Josh jolts awake, his breathing labored, and his hands immediately fly to his chest. The sweat from his nightmare tricking his still disoriented brain into thinking it’s blood and he reaches across the bed, his hand grappling for Donna, but coming up empty. He frowns and his anxiety spikes until he wakes all the way up and remembers that she’s on a trip to Chicago with the First Lady. He sits up, his shirt drenched, and he looks at the clock, sighing heavily when he sees it’s only 3am. He rubs his hand over his face and closes his eyes, trying to stop his thudding heart. 

The dream has already dissolved like cotton candy in water, slipping through the cracks of his mind, but the feeling of anxiousness sits heavy inside of him and he knows he won’t get any more sleep tonight. He groans as he rolls out of bed, his back and shoulders stiff from the cold weather that’s fallen over DC. He looks at his phone, more than half-tempted to call Donna, but he knows she had a long day and needs her sleep. 

Josh can’t shake the bad feeling in his stomach, though, so he chooses the next best thing and pulls up a voicemail she’d left him while they were still on the campaign. He presses play, needing to hear her voice.

“Joshua,” she slurred happily, the sounds of the bar she and Sam had been at filtering through. “I miss yoooooou! Tequila doesn’t taste as good without you as a chaser.” She covered the phone to yell something he still can’t distinguish. “I’m drunk and the hotel we’re at has lumpy beds so I won’t get a good night's sleep.” She sighed heavily. “And that means I’ll probably have a hangover and be grumpy when I finally get to see you tomorrow. So. You’re welcome.”

Josh holds the phone closer to his ear, closing his eyes, and tries to pretend she's next to him. 

“Why are you so far away? Honestly. California is like… a whole _continent_ away, Josh! It’s too far. I don’t like it…” she sighed heavily again. “I miss your stupid dimples. And your hair and your… _body_.” She had whispered the last part and Josh chuckles now, imagining her in some corner of a bar, drunk dialing him and not wanting anyone to hear her being anything but wholesome. “I need to kiss you. Like _emergency_ level of need, so, you know, work your magic and make time go faster, okay? I love you, I love you, I love you.”

The voicemail ends and Josh sighs deeply before standing, playing the voicemail over again as he goes out to the living room. He pulls some briefing memos out of his backpack and goes to work, Donna’s voice in his ear, and he forgets about the nightmare.

* * *

Donna’s leg jiggles restlessly as the plane whirs around her. The captain had just come over the speaker saying they were beginning their descent and she’s buzzing now knowing Josh is so close. 

This was the first overnight trip she’s had since Rosslyn and to say she had been apprehensive would have been an understatement. Not just for his health, either. She missed her husband like _crazy_ , even finding herself missing his incessant messiness and general air of insanity this time of year. No matter how much he insists it’s untrue, he and the boys do check out like seniors as soon as they come upon a holiday, and he’s been driving her up the wall since Thanksgiving. 

That doesn’t mean she’s not planning on jumping him as soon as she lays eyes on him, though.

She had told him she’d just take a cab home, but he’d insisted on getting her from the tarmac, shushing her protests (“Donna, you’re not taking a _cab_. I’m picking you up. End of discussion.”).

The plane lurches and she watches the flares on the wings as they slow and roll to a stop, the airstairs dropping as they de-board. Butterflies erupt in her stomach when she sees him leaning against the driver side door of the car with his arms crossed, a Mets hoodie the only thing protecting him from the December chill. 

She follows Abbey down the steps, waving her off as she gets in her own car and speeds away toward the White House. Donna snags her luggage and walks over quickly, shivering as the cold wind blows her hair around her face. 

“Hey, Hot Stuff,” he calls, grinning from ear to ear as her pace picks up. She forgets the luggage and throws her arms around his neck tightly, grinning when he lifts her onto her tiptoes. “Missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” she murmurs, burying her cold nose into his neck. She pulls back and covers his ears with her gloved hands. “Where’s your coat?”

“You’re not even gonna kiss me before you start berating me?” he asks, an amused smile on his face. She purses her lips but obliges him, smiling despite herself when he dips her, and lets him get carried away with his tongue in her mouth. He licks his lips when they’re upright again and feigns outrage. “They gave you cheesecake?”

She smirks and walks around to the passenger side as he grabs her luggage and dumps it in the trunk unceremoniously. She shivers and rubs her hands together when the heat hits her, thankful he left the car running. “Prime rib, too.”

“What the hell? All I get on Air Force One is a lousy Cobb salad.”

Donna pats his knee as he drives them off the tarmac and onto the highway. “That’s because I told Louis not to give you any red meat for awhile. Your heart needs all the help it can get.”

Josh twitches, but she doesn’t notice. “How was the trip?” he asks, changing the subject. “You have any deep dish?”

“You know I can’t stand Chicago pizza,” she says and he grins. 

“That’s my girl.”

“The trip was fine.” She grabs his hand from the console and plays with his fingers. “The crowd always eats Abbey up. She’s a natural.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles good-naturedly. “Your approval numbers are higher. I get it.”

Donna grins and kisses his cheek quickly. “What about you?” she asks, turning a little in her seat to face him. “Did you stay out of trouble while I was gone?”

“As a matter of fact, I did.”

“You took your meds?”

“Yep.”

“And did your stretches?”

“Yes, Donna.” He rolls his eyes. “And if you’ll believe it, I even wiped my own ass.”

“Don't get snarky with me, Josh. You’re not even wearing a coat in 30 degree weather. Do you blame me for asking?”

Josh brings her hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. “I’m fine, honey. Promise.” He keeps his eyes focused on the road when he feels her staring him down, not wanting her to see that he’s lying. “Tell me more about the seminar. It was for med students?”

She takes the bait and prattles on about the event, giving Josh the ins and outs of thoracic surgery all the way home. 

* * *

Days go by and Josh doesn’t have another nightmare. He chalks it up to Donna being gone and he pushes it to the back of his mind, going about his day like normal. It’s Christmastime and he’s trying to stay focused, but he can’t hear himself think over that damn music Toby has playing from the lobby. 

And then Leo tells him about the pilot. 

He’s walking back to his office when he bumps into Donna. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” she quips. “Did you hear Yo-Yo Ma is playing the Congressional Christmas party?”

“Huh?”

“The party in a couple weeks.”

“Oh... right.”

They walk in silence for a hallway, Josh lost in his thoughts, when she bumps his shoulder. “You okay?”

They round into his office after he gets a file from his assistant, the brass quintet still harmonizing through the halls, so he closes the door again. “Sorry, it’s just this thing with the pilot.”

“Robert Cano?” she asks knowingly. 

“Yeah,” he murmurs distractedly, flipping through the file. “We have the same birthday.”

“Who?”

“The… pilot.” He looks up at her. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

He sits down in his desk chair. “How’s your day?”

“Fine,” she says, her brow furrowed as she looks him over. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“It’s just–“ he wiggles the folder. “I gotta do this.”

“Okay.” She moves around the desk. “Come find me later?”

“Yeah.”

She grabs his chin and forces him to look at her and he schools his features. He must have an okay poker face because she only kisses him on the forehead before leaning back and smiling down at him fondly. 

“Love you,” she says as she walks away and Josh stares at her until she’s out of sight before digging back into his assignment. 

* * *

“It’s done,” Leo says, popping into Josh’s office about 20 minutes later. 

“The pilot?”

Leo nods his head. “The plane crashed into the mountains over Mexico City.”

“Was there a message or anything?”

“All he said was ‘it wasn’t the plane’.”

Josh stares at Leo. “He…” he cuts off when Leo nods and Josh flinches when a ricocheting bullet and screams bounce around his head. “Okay.”

He barely registers Leo leaving, still staring down at the folder as his mind goes a million miles an hour. How does a healthy military man break formation and fly his plane into a mountain? And why isn’t the White House doing more? He should have more information. 

Josh is like a robot the rest of the day, snapping at everyone, and unable to focus. All he can think about was how they have the same birthday. 

Well, _had_. 

* * *

The next two weeks fly by and there’s still nothing more about the pilot. 

Josh walks into the White House, immediately assaulted by loud bagpipes playing in the lobby. He snags Toby. 

“Bagpipes? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re a little loud, don’t you think?” he says, practically shouting over the noise. Toby gives him some smartass answer about shepherds in Scotland and a flash of pure rage flows down Josh’s spine. “They can’t play here, alright? I can hear the damn sirens all over the building!” He keeps walking for a moment before he realizes what he’s said. “The… bagpipes.”

“Josh?” Toby asks quietly and Josh keeps moving. 

“The bagpipes,” he says again, going into his office. “They can’t play in the lobby!”

He can feel Toby’s eyes on him and is grateful that CJ calls his attention. Josh goes behind his desk and clamps his hands over his ears, trying to block it out and focus on his breathing, but he can’t even hear his heartbeat over the bagpipes. He gets up from his chair and storms to the door again. 

“Can we keep it down out here?” he shouts. “It sounds like a damn hockey game.”

He vaguely hears his assistant ask if he needs anything, but he tells her no and slams the door. He runs his hands roughly over his head, trying to quiet the noise, but after a minute, he gives up and flies out the side door of his office without a word. 

He doesn’t really have a plan on where he’s going, but when he sees a sprig of mistletoe tacked up above the door to the Roosevelt room, he snags it and heads across the building to the east wing, where he thankfully can’t hear anything let alone bagpipes. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he says as he swings into Donna’s office. “Missed you this morning.”

“Hi,” she says distractedly, rooting around her desk for something, and Josh leans against the doorframe. “Where the hell is— aha!” She looks up at him then, waving a folder victoriously. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“You busy?” 

“Yes, I’m late. Abbey’s reading to some school kids and I forgot the name list,” she waves the folder again. 

She’s about to go out the side door when he stops her. “Hey, c'mere.”

“Josh, I just told you that I’m already late.”

He grins and pulls the mistletoe from behind his back, twirling it above his head. “It’s the rules.”

She gives him a look, but walks over to him anyway. “Where did you get mistletoe?”

He shrugs and puts a hand on her waist. “Christmas magic.”

Donna hums and brings a hand to his cheek as his eyes close, anticipating her kiss, but she holds back. She frowns a little, brushing her thumb under his eye. “Do you feel alright?” she asks and his eyes reopen. 

“Yeah, why?”

She doesn’t say anything as she looks him over. He’s still got the mistletoe over them and a soft smile is on his face, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You just seem…” she trails off, still brushing over his cheek. “Tired, I guess,” she finishes lamely. 

Josh just smiles wider. “My arm’s pretty tired,” he says pointedly and she rolls her eyes. He smirks at her as she tugs on his tie and kisses him. 

“Better?”

“Not quite,” he murmurs and wraps both arms around her, plastering her to the wall and deepening the kiss. He tries to lose himself in her, the feel of her soft body and lips on his calming the storm inside him. He doesn’t feel her push on his shoulders, but when she tugs firmly on his hair, the sharp pain sends him flying back to reality. 

“Sorry,” he whispers, kissing her again softly before taking a step back. “Got carried away.” 

“It’s okay,” she murmurs, her fingers running through his hair gently now. “I gotta go to the east room. Are you free later? We can have a late lunch.”

“Nah, I’m on the Hill,” he says regretfully as she steps out of his arms. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be, so take the car. I’ll catch a cab home.”

She shakes her head. “I’ll wait for you.”

“‘Kay,” he murmurs, trying to smile convincingly as he pulls her in for one more quick kiss. “Go do your job.”

“I’ll see you later, handsome,” she says and she’s out the door, leaving Josh and his still racing mind. 

* * *

Nothing is better the next day. He had tossed and turned all night, only catching a quick 20 minutes of sleep before the alarm went off and Donna woke up next to him. He gets ready for work in a daze, brushing off her worried questions as he takes his meds, and calls for a cab. 

Thankfully there are no horns blaring through the building today, just a soft pianist that’s easy to drown out with a closed door. 

Josh has still made it his mission to unearth new information on the pilot and getting more and more frustrated with every dead end call he makes. He thinks about what he knows: Robert Cano had a purple heart, his plane was shot down and caught fire over Bosnia, there were some injuries. 

His eyes close and his hands immediately go to his scar. _There were some injuries_. 

This pilot was healthy, he was a hero, and he flew his plane into a mountain. They had the same birthday.

Josh’s breathing hitches and he rubs his head roughly as more screaming echoes in his head. He can’t sit here anymore, so he stumbles out of his office and out the front doors, closing his eyes as the crisp winter wind whips at his face. He finds a corner and sits down, concentrating on his breathing as more visions flash through him; red and blue lights, a house up in flames, the feel of his hands wrapped around metal bars. He can’t make it stop, he can’t breathe, there’s too much smoke, too much blood. 

And everything goes black. 

* * *

“Sir? _Sir?_ Mr. Lyman, are you alright?”

Josh cracks his eyes open to find an agent standing over him. 

“Are you hurt?”

“Huh?” Josh asks eloquently, shivering violently as the cold seeps into him. “Yeah, sorry. I’m fine, Tommy.” The agent heaves him up to his feet. “Must’ve dozed off. I came out here to clear my head. I didn’t catch much sleep last night.”

He shakes his head then, thankful to hear nothing but the DC traffic, and heads inside, ignoring the agents questions. Josh checks his watch and makes a beeline for the east wing. 

“Is she in?” he asks Donna’s assistant and when she nods her head yes, Josh barges in unannounced. “Let’s go home.”

“Jesus, you scared me,” Donna says, putting her hand to her chest. “What do you mean go home? It’s barely 4pm.”

“I don’t care. Come on.” 

She frowns. “Are you alright?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that today?” he snaps. “I’m fine. I just don’t wanna be here anymore. Let’s go.”

“Josh, I have meetings all afternoon.”

His fist clenches in irritation. “So?”

“ _So_ ,” she says pointedly. “I can’t just abandon my job because you’re having a bad day.” She walks over to him slowly like he’s a feral dog or something and it only makes him angrier. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re mad, Josh. I can practically see the steam coming out of your ears. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” he explodes and Donna’s eyebrows shoot up. “Forget it. I’ll see you later.”

“Honey—“ but he’s already slammed the door. 

* * *

Donna timidly unlocks the front door, honestly a little scared of what she’ll find. After his outburst in her office, she’d called his assistant, but she said that he left in a cab with his backpack and he’d told her he wasn’t coming back for the day. 

She sees said backpack now by the couch and can hear something coming from the bedroom. She makes her way through the living room and finds him sitting on the bed, his tie loose around his neck and a drink in his hand. 

“Hi,” she murmurs quietly, worry snarling inside her stomach when she gets a good look at him. He’s pale and his hair is mussed from his fingers. 

“Hi.”

She walks over and sits next to him on the bed, rubbing his back soothingly. He doesn’t look at her, just downs the drink, and sets the glass on the table before pressing forward and kissing her hard. She squeaks in surprise, but kisses him back, cupping his cheek with her free hand. She can taste the liquor on his tongue and before she can pull back, he flips them so he’s hovering above her, kissing down her neck and unbuttoning her shirt roughly. 

“Josh,” she breathes, but he doesn’t let her get another word out before he kisses her again. He gets her shirt undone and palms at her breasts before sliding his hand down and inside her pants. “Josh, hold on.”

She nudges him back, but only slightly as he’s sucking at her neck again. “I need you,” he murmurs, and she gasps when he grinds into her, his erection rock hard. 

“You’re drunk,” she whispers, cupping his face and shoving back hard so he’ll look at her. “Please talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk. Just—“ he takes his own shirt off and stares down at her, his eyes glassy. “Please.” He leans into her as she brushes her thumb across his cheek and he knows he looks insane right now, but he needs it all to stop. He just needs to forget about everything and she can help him with that. “Please, Donna,” he whispers again, bending to kiss her, softer this time, and sighing gratefully when she lets him. 

He finally gets her trousers undone and he shirks them down her legs before climbing on top of her. They don’t speak, Josh just keeps kissing her everywhere, trying to lose himself in her warm body. He vaguely hears her whisper his name as he sinks into her, the feeling of her surrounding him making his chest ache. 

“I love you,” he pants, his forehead starting to perspire as he moves. “I love you, Donna. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

“Josh,” she murmurs, moving his hair out of the way. “Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” She wraps her arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly to her, and he groans. “I love you. _God_ ,” she moans. “I love you.” 

He grinds into her, the bed squeaking with his efforts, and Donna comes around him with a shudder, but Josh’s hips continue to move. He’s breathing heavily into her ear and she can feel tears splattering against her collarbone. 

“Donna, I _can’t_ ,” he murmurs, his voice breaking, and she brings his face up to look at her. He keeps his eyes closed. 

“Look at me,” she murmurs as she wraps her legs tighter around his waist. “It’s just me, baby, it’s okay.”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” he says again, not really knowing what he’s apologizing for. 

“Block everything else out, just focus on me. My hands on you.” She caresses his neck and shoulders. “My legs wrapped around you.” He grunts when she tightens her hold on his waist. “Can you feel it?”

His mouth falls open when she clenches her walls around him. “Fuck.” He moves faster, finally letting go of everything else, all he feels and sees and smells is her. “Donna,” he moans, his spine starting to tingle. 

“Come for me. I want you to come for me, Josh. Please.”

He buries his face in her neck as stars erupt inside his eyelids and everything goes blissfully silent as he finally comes. He continues to lay there, focusing on her nails scraping nonsensical patterns along his back as he catches his breath and stops the tears rolling down his cheeks. Donna holds him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear and not moving while he stays tucked deep inside her. 

He doesn’t remember slipping out of her or her stripping the rest of his clothes off, but he does remember the smell of her hair as she climbs back into bed beside him, swaddling him in her embrace. He’s surrounded on all sides, suddenly far too tired to do anything else but fall asleep. 

* * *

It’s dark. He can’t see anything but red and blue flashing lights, his ear drums banging in protest from the sound of the sirens and a brass quintet. He bumps into someone, his shoulder panging as he looks around helplessly, all of his senses overloaded. 

“Donna?” he calls, ducking around a large group, but it’s like he’s wading through molasses. “Donna!”

He sees a flash of blonde up the steps and he tries his hardest to get through the sudden throng of people in front of him, still calling her name. The stairs become a down escalator and he’s moving in place, not going anywhere as he tries to keep his eyes on the blonde head at the top. 

“Donna, come here!”

She yells his name and he picks up the pace. “Josh, help me! I can’t—“

He finally, _finally_ makes it to the top, rounding the corner to find her propped up against the cement wall, blood pouring out of her like a pipe burst. 

“Josh,” she whispers, blood dribbling out of her mouth, too, and he runs over to her. 

“No. No, Donna, it’s gonna be okay.” His hands press against her, trying to find the source of all the blood, but he can’t find anything. “Donna, look at me. Look at me!”

Her eyes blink open and she grabs his shirt collar. “You told me to come, Josh,” she slurs. “You brought me here.”

“Donna,” he breathes, his tears falling heavily now. “I’m sorry. Please, just stay with me, alright? _Please_.”

He calls behind him for help and when he turns back, it’s Joanie’s face staring back at him. 

“Your fault,” she whispers and her eyes go blank. 

“Joanie?” He shakes her shoulder. “No, please, no. No no no no, please wake up. I didn’t mean to! Please! Wake up!”

“Josh, wake up!”

His eyes fly open and he flounders around for a moment until Donna’s face comes into focus, her eyes laced with worry. His hands reach out for her, trying to stop the bleeding, but there is no blood. He slowly wakes up as her hand rubs soothing circles on his back and he digs the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to erase the nightmare from his mind. 

“Josh.” He whips the comforter off his legs and gets out of bed. “Josh?”

“Just—“ he can’t catch his breath and his mind is screaming so loud. _Your fault_. “I can’t—“

Donna gets up and grabs his hands, pulling them to her chest, and he can feel her heart beating steadily. He focuses on that instead of the sirens still echoing in his mind, and he slowly regains control. He leans heavily against her as the adrenaline leaves his body and she guides him back to sit on the bed. 

“Stay right here.” He still can’t find his voice, so she flits away, returning quickly with a glass of ice water. “Drink this,” she murmurs, kneeling in front of him and pressing a cool compress against his forehead and neck. 

He downs the water, suddenly very thirsty, and closes his eyes as her soft fingers brush through his hair. He keeps his eyes closed, concentrating on the feel of her, and he takes a deep breath. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he whispers. “You can go back to bed. I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay,” she murmurs, still caressing him gently. 

Josh gives her a wry smile and scoots back onto the bed as she stands, grabbing a clean shirt and boxers from the dresser and tossing them to him. He pulls them on and tugs her into his arms once more, settling into the pillows and rubbing her back. He frowns when he realizes she’s already wearing clothes. He thought they both fell asleep naked.

“What time is it?”

“Just past midnight.”

He hums in acknowledgment. “Go back to sleep, babe,” he slurs, tightening his hold when she kisses his chest. “I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

“Josh,” she whispers, running her finger up and down his scar. “You need to talk to someone.”

“I’m fine,” he breathes, his eyes wide. “It was just a dream.”

He isn’t sure who he’s trying to convince. 

* * *

Josh tries his best to calm his anxiety over the next few days, but he can’t. It’s like he’s trying to patch a popped fire hydrant with a bandaid. He’s stopped sleeping completely, laying in bed with Donna until she falls asleep and sneaking out until the sun comes up again to turn off the alarm. 

He showers and drinks coffee like it’s the gift of life itself, too scared to even think about sleep when he knows he’ll just see Donna or Joanie lying on concrete. Dead. Because of him. 

He still hasn’t gotten any new information about the pilot and he’s at his wits end, snapping at CJ and Sam and Toby and finally losing it when Donna walks by harping about “Yo-Yo Ma rules!”. He doesn’t remember going to the Oval for a meeting, he doesn’t remember what they were talking about, and he doesn’t remember yelling at the President. The only thing he remembers is Leo sending him to his office, Josh’s breathing so labored he has to sit down before he passes out. 

“You’re gonna sit with the guy,” Leo says when he comes in, brushing off Josh’s indignation. 

“Are you gonna tell Donna?”

“Are you?” Leo counters, giving Josh a knowing look when he’s silent. “She’s already come to me once, Josh.”

He bites the inside of his cheek, hard. “I’ll tell her,” Josh says, flat-out lying, but he books it out of Leo’s office before he can say anything else. 

* * *

He’s sitting next to Donna as Yo-Yo Ma plays in front of them. Josh is fine for about 30 seconds, but the sirens and smoke and screaming overtakes him. He twitches as he hears the gunshots, flinching wildly as Donna squeezes his thigh in concern. He doesn’t notice CJ or Toby on the other side of him, all he hears is a loud rush in his ears and a bitter taste in his mouth. 

As soon as he hears clapping, he books it - out of his seat and into the hall like a bat out of hell. He doesn’t really watch where he’s going, he just knows he needs to make it all stop. Why can’t he make it _stop_? 

He pushes through a door and he recognizes the Rose Garden. His foot catches on a bench, but he keeps going, determined to make it all end. He flings open a door to the shed the gardeners use, crushing his head with his hands, and he can’t take it anymore. He sees the window in front of him and barrels toward it, shoving his hand through the glass roughly, and it shatters around him. 

The sound of the glass breaking surprises him and he stares at the blood now dripping down his fingers, but his heart rate is slowing, the adrenaline leaving his body shaky as he wipes his hand gently. He looks around and spots a semi-clean towel and wraps it around his palm before swallowing thickly and walking back out into the frosty night. 

He slowly makes his way across the Rose Garden and enters the White House through one of the side doors by the Oval. His hand is starting to throb, and he focuses on that as he bypasses the room where the party is still in full swing. He heads toward his office, slowing his walk when he hears Donna’s voice. 

“Hey, it’s Donna. Have you seen Josh anywhere on the cameras? He’s disappeared on— never mind, Sandy. He just walked in.” She hangs up his phone and rounds on him. “Where the hell were you? And what happened to your hand?”

She walks over quickly, pulling back the towel and wincing when she sees the gash. 

“I went to get a drink and the glass slipped,” he says, the lie coming to him quickly. “I was coming back.”

“You need to see a doctor.”

“Donna, it’s fine,” he urges. “I’ll throw some antiseptic on it when we get home.”

“It looks bad, Josh,” she murmurs, but she’s looking him in the eye. She brings her fingers up to brush across his cheek. “Honey…”

“I’m already seeing a doctor tomorrow,” he snaps, his eyes blazing into hers. “So, thanks for that.”

He whips his hand away from her and she crosses her arms. “You can be mad at me as much as you want, Josh. You’re not okay. You have been on edge for weeks, you’ve been having nightmares, you yelled at the President, and I think you’re lying about how you hurt your hand.”

“Who told you?”

“Leo’s just as concerned as I am,” she says and he lets out a humorless laugh. 

“That’s great. My wife and my boss just having chats about me behind my back.”

“Why didn’t _you_ tell me?”

He shrugs. “I didn’t have a chance to.”

“Considering you’ve been sneaking out of bed every night and not sleeping, I feel like you had ample amount of time to tell me.”

Josh’s fists curl beside him. “If you have it all figured out, Donna, why are we having this conversation?”

“Because I’m your wife,” she states firmly. “I care about you and I’m _scared_ , Josh.”

He rolls his eyes, but she steps closer to him, forcing him to look at her. “You don’t have to be scared,” he mumbles. “I have some work I have to catch up on. Take a cab home. I’ll meet you there later.”

“There’s no work to be done,” she whispers, but he brushes off her affections, walking around his desk and sitting down. “Josh.”

“Just go, Donna.”

* * *

Josh doesn’t go home that night. He waits for the partygoers to leave before sneaking down to CJs office and flopping on her couch. 

He faintly hears his desk phone ring followed by his cell, but he just closes the door and shuts it out. 

* * *

Donna waits in the bullpen, thankful that Dr. Keyworth is clearly taking his time, but also worried because an 8 hour therapy session means things were _much_ worse than she thought. After Josh didn't come home last night, she had called the on-duty overnight guard and got confirmation that he was at least safe in the building. She can handle him hiding out in CJ's office, but she wouldn't have been able to stomach the thought of him roaming around somewhere by himself.

She starts pacing in a small circle until she sees Leo stand up out of the corner of her eye, and she watches as Josh finally emerges from the room he's been in all day. She waits patiently, her brow creased as she sees how pale and tired he still looks, but also notices the tension in his body he's been holding in since the beginning of the month seems to have seeped out of him. After she hears Leo tell him she's taking him to the emergency room, she takes that as her cue and grabs his coat for him on the rack outside his office. She walks up to the two men, rolling her eyes when Josh protests, albeit weakly, about needing a doctor.

"Lets go," she says firmly and helps him thread his arms through the coat. 

They say goodnight to Leo and she shares a look with the older man, one that lets her know that she won't be alone in looking after Josh. She leads him outside the White House, her hand solid on his bicep as they walk past some carolers, and they make it to the car in soft silence.

She holds his hand the entire way to the emergency room. He was worried she would scold him or tell him ‘I told you so’, but she doesn’t, just calmly tells the nurse why they’re there and fills out his forms for him. Josh leans against her with his eyes closed, muting the harsh smell of cleaning solvent surrounding them with the soft apple scent of her hair. 

“Mr. Lyman?” a nurse calls and he stands, looking down at Donna as she finishes the form and stands up too. 

“Right here,” she says and ushers him over with a reassuring hand on his back. 

The nurse takes them to a room and sits him down, Donna standing vigilantly by his side as his hand is cleaned. They play thumb wars idly to keep his mind occupied on something other than the stitches piercing his skin until he looks up suddenly. 

“It’s Christmas Eve.”

“It is,” she says, curling her fingers over his hair. “You need a haircut.”

He frowns. “Did we have plans?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Nothing really came up,” she shrugs. “We were in Madison for Easter, your mom came for Thanksgiving. I figured we could just relax for Christmas. It’s been an insane year, Josh. I made the executive decision that Christmas and New Year’s were just for us.”

He grins sleepily, the pain meds and his general lack of sleep the past few weeks starting to kick in as his hand throbs. “Well, what about food?”

“We can get some takeout tomorrow.”

“A Jewish Christmas.”

She smiles and kisses his temple. “Exactly.” 

“Alright, you’re all set,” the nurse says, placing a fresh bandage on his palm. “The stitches will dissolve or fall out on their own after a week or so. The cut wasn’t that deep, so you won’t need to come back to take them out.” She grabs a piece of paper and hands it to Donna. “Here’s a prescription for more pain meds. That’ll be sore for a few days. You have a good holiday and stay safe.”

“Thanks,” they both murmur and Donna helps him into his coat before making their way out the front doors. 

“Donna,” he says, stopping before they get to the car and turning to face her. “I have PTSD.”

“I know,” she says quietly, squeezing his hand. 

“And I didn’t hurt my hand on a glass,” he murmurs. “I put it through a window in the shed behind the Rose Garden.”

She takes a deep breath, still holding onto his hand. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner.” He looks down at their joined hands. "And I'm sorry I didn't come home last night."

“I’m just glad you’re alright, Josh," she says, dropping his hand so they can get in the car. She blasts the heat. “I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

“I’m going back to therapy.”

She only nods her head and palms his thigh as she drives toward the apartment. “With Stanley?”

“No, he said I was too easy.”

She snorts. “Well, he must be a crack if he spent all day locked in a room with you and says you’re _easy_.” 

Josh smiles and leans his head back, concentrating on the feel of her warm hand through his pant leg. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You never have to sugarcoat things with me, Josh. I’m a big girl and I’m here for you.” She squeezes his knee. “We’re in this together. What you go through, I go through. It’s just the way it is.”

Josh picks up her hand from his leg and brings it to his mouth, kissing the back softly before leaning his head in her palm as he looks at her. “I’ll remember that next time.”

“Yes, you will,” she orders, scratching behind his ear. “Now, do you want chicken wings or shawarma?”

“Wings,” he says, his smile growing. “Definitely.”

She whips into their favorite mom and pop diner and unbuckles her seatbelt. “Can you stay awake long enough or should I have Georgie wrap ‘em up?”

“I wanna go home,” he says and she nods her head. “Get me half habanero and half hot. And some garlic parm, too.” Donna doesn't reply, just gets out and slams the door, but Josh rolls down the window. “And extra fries! With some– what were those things, the macaroni things?”

Donna laughs as she walks toward the front door. “You hungry or something?”

“A mental breakdown can have that effect, I’ve read.”

Donna stops and turns back to him before walking back over. She bends at the waist and grabs his face with both of her hands and kisses him thoroughly through the open window. “I love you,” she says firmly and kisses him one more time before heading back to the diner. “And roll the window up,” she calls. “You’ll freeze!”

He grins and watches her walk away and into the diner, rolling up his window like she told him to. He keeps watching her as she greets the owner, Georgie, and Josh’s grin gets wider when she laughs at something Georgie said, and he feels a sense of calmness fall over him for the first time in weeks. 

He knows he has a lot of work ahead of him. A lot of therapy and healing and adjusting, but he looks at Donna, sitting on a bar stool, and she turns around, giving him a smile and a little wave through the window before her attention is drawn away again, and he knows everything is going to be okay. 

He’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have the obvious moments of the show that I want to remix, but if anyone has any recommendations and/or other prompts, I have officially made a tumblr! You can find me over at [thotsandfeeeelings](https://thotsandfeeeelings.tumblr.com/) and submit anything there! I've found some great prompt lists and I've been wanting to write just little ficlets rather than full blown one-shots, so I'll be doing that there if you want to follow :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look, Ado Annie, I sent you flowers!” he exclaims, following her out the door. “I think what you’re trying to say is ‘why thank you, honey, they're beautiful. How very thoughtful of you. Not many husbands would’ve been that thoughtful.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter does elude to an abusive relationship. Nothing explicit, but there is a brief mention of it toward the end.

By the time Stackhouse finally yields the floor for a question, it’s too late to make their flight to Florida, so Josh cuts his losses (with only a little whining) and they share a beer in his office as he wraps some loose ends up with the press. 

“You saved the day, Donnatella,” he declares, stretching and spinning his chair to face her. “How do you feel being the queen of democracy?”

She smirks. “Well, I couldn’t have done it without you. I remembered those filibuster rules you sent me the week before you joined with Bartlet for America. You can take a little credit, too,” she teases, standing and reaching for his hand. 

He turns out the light and follows her through the halls, still littered with late-working staffers, and he throws his arm around her neck with their hands still linked once they reach the outside gates. 

“You couldn’t have figured it sooner, though?” he asks. “We should be landing in Florida right now.”

“For a game that doesn’t count?”

“Hey, you can mock, but Mike Piazza—“

“Was going to call you ‘dude’,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I know.”

“And now my joy has been taken away.”

She hums and moves to the passenger side of the car and gives him a burning look. “We still have the weekend off, Josh. I think you’ll find some joy when we get home.”

Josh bites his lip and puts his hand on her bare knee as he drives out of the parking lot. “How much joy?”

She grabs his hand, playing with his fingers innocently at first before sliding it fully underneath her skirt. He clears his throat as he explores along her underwear, feeling the dampness already pooling at her core, and he rubs at her firmly. 

“A lot of joy,” she breathes, closing her eyes as he continues his thorough panty raid. She wraps her hand around his wrist and guides him higher, but he slips his fingers inside the waistband of her underwear, and pats at her clit softly. She mewls and her fingernails dig into his forearm as he continues his soft torture. “Josh,” she moans, arching her hips so she can hike the skirt up a little and spread her legs wider for him. 

He stops at a red light and she pulls him to her to kiss him hard. He smiles when he rubs her clit between his fingers and she whines. “This why you took off your pantyhose before we left?” He dips his fingers inside her before sliding back out, using the wetness to massage the sensitive folds. 

“They really did rip,” she pants. “God, keep doing that. Speed up a little. _Yeah_.”

Josh steps on the gas again when the light turns green and drags his fingernail across her throbbing nub. She cries out and slumps a little in her seat as he keeps up the motion, flicking and rubbing at her in earnest now. They’re almost home and he wants her to get off before they get there. 

“Come on, Donna,” he says, his voice deep and demanding. Her breathing becomes labored and she twists, her knees trapping his arm between her thighs, and he feels her start to flutter. 

She shouts his name and her eyes roll back in her head as she leans heavily against his arm, but he doesn’t stop, just keeps pressure on her clit, and he looks down at her. Her eyes are closed and her teeth are biting down hard on her lip and just as he turns down their street, she moans again and a rush of wetness coats his fingers. He works her through it, not letting up until she pushes his hand away, and he whips into a spot quickly, grinning over at her flushed face. 

“Good girl,” he murmurs and her head lolls over to look at him. 

“Come here,” she says and pulls him down again to kiss him soundly. A residual shiver zips down her spine and he smirks. 

“A whole weekend of joy?”

She smiles at him lazily and nods her head. “Absolutely.”

* * *

The next morning, Donna is out running errands and she stops by the pharmacy to pick up some of Josh’s prescriptions. She’s tapping her toe against the floor when she hears someone say her name behind her. She turns around and freezes immediately. 

“Jason,” she breathes, still frozen as she looks at her ex-boyfriend. “What…” she clears her throat. “What are you doing here?”

“I got a job at Johns Hopkins,” he states. “I’m in town to schedule an appointment with the First Lady next week about a new initiative my committee has in the works.” She frowns and steps back when he comes closer. “How have you been? You look incredible.”

“Mrs. Lyman,” the pharmacist says and Donna turns around automatically and takes the small bag from her. 

“Thank you.” She starts to walk away, but he follows.

“ _Mrs_?” 

“What are you doing here, Jason.”

“I told you; First Lady meeting.” _Not if I have anything to say about it_ she thinks to herself, trying to see her schedule in her mind, but not remembering seeing his name anywhere. “You’re married?”

“Yeah,” she says absentmindedly, weaving in and out of the aisles. 

He actually has the audacity to laugh. “You’re a _Lyman_? As in Josh? That arrogant assho— ”

She stops and rounds on him. “Don’t finish that sentence.”

“He’s a little old for you isn't he?”

“Goodbye, Jason,” she says and starts to walk away again, but he calls her name. 

“I’m sorry,” he says and he throws his hands up in surrender. “Let me make it up to you and—“

“No,” she says immediately. “And I’m not gonna lie and say it was nice seeing you because I honestly can’t get out of this conversation fast enough.”

“Come on, D.”

“Don't call me that.” Her blood boils when she sees his smarmy grin and she reels herself in. He always made it a game to make her mad and she refuses to give him what he wants. “And I don’t know about your little committee, but I’m telling you right now you will _not_ be seeing Dr. Bartlet.”

He chuckles again in that condescending way she always hated. “Donna, you have no say.”

“I do, actually,” she states as she turns on her heel and walks toward the exit. “I’m her Chief of Staff.”

* * *

After swinging by the dry-cleaners, Donna makes it home to find Josh on the treadmill. 

“I’m almost done,” he pants and Donna walks past him into the bedroom, too lost in her own thoughts to appreciate a sweaty and shirtless Josh the way she normally would.

She had debated all the way home on whether or not to tell Josh about her little run-in. She kept the finer details of the night they first met from him, wanting to just put it all behind her. She hadn’t lied when she said she left Jason because of money, but there’s more to the story and she has a feeling she’ll have to tell Josh sooner rather than later. 

Josh walks in and disrupts her thoughts, wrapping his sweaty arms around her. “You wanna go see a movie tonight?” 

She flinches away from him. “Josh, go shower.” He tightens his hold and wipes his forehead on her shoulder. “ _Josh_!” 

“Come on,” he says. “Go out with me.”

“If I say yes, will you get your gross sweatiness away from me?”

He grins. “Yes.”

“Then yes.”

“Good,” he states, kissing her cheek and letting her go to head to the bathroom. Donna follows him in and sits on the sink, biting her thumbnail as Josh sheds his clothes in front of her. “You okay?” 

“What?” she says, looking up as he steps into the shower. “Oh. Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just—“ She exhales as she braces her hands on the sink, making her shoulders hunch. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Josh draws the shower curtain back to look at her, a confused look on his face. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

“What?” she asks incredulously. “No. I just made you buy me tampons last week, remember?”

“Right,” he says before going back to his shower. “What’s up?”

She grips the marble top. “I ran into someone at the pharmacy.”

“Who?”

“My ex-boyfriend.”

There’s silence for a beat, but he whips the curtain back again. “ _Who_?”

“My ex, Josh. He got a job at Johns Hopkins and—“

“You ran into that freeloading doctor?”

“Yes.”

He stares at her for a moment and she sees his jaw tick. “Okay.” The curtain closes again. “What did you talk about?”

“Nothing, really. I was in line for your prescription, he snuck up behind me and said hi, the tech called me Mrs. Lyman. He asked if I was married, I said yes, and we went our separate ways.”

“That’s it?”

Donna brings her hands up to pick at her fingers. “He may have also mentioned trying to get a meeting with the First Lady.”

There’s a pause. “The First Lady of what?”

She rolls her eyes. “Of the United States, Joshua.”

“As in—“

“My boss. Correct.”

The sound of running water followed by the click of a body wash bottle opening fills the silence. She waits patiently, giving him the time he needs to process. 

“What does he want with Dr. Bartlet?”

“Something about a committee, which I’m sure is stupid and a complete waste of time. He wants a meeting this week.”

“Does he know?”

“That I’m her Chief of Staff?”

“Yeah.”

“He didn’t, but he knows now. I told him he wasn’t seeing Abbey.”

“But he’ll see you.”

“Yeah,” she finishes softly. He doesn’t say anything more as he finishes his shower. Donna hops off the sink when the water shuts off and his hand darts out to grab a towel before he steps out and onto the mat on the floor. “Say something.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Donna. There’s really nothing I can do about it.”

“You’re not mad?”

He smirks and walks over to her, his hair still soaking wet. “How can I be? It’s not like you sought him out.”

“Yeah, but I know how I feel when one of your exes is in the White House, so…”

“Oh, I’m definitely not happy about it,” he assures. “But I’m not mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He grabs her chin and gives her a kiss before walking into their bedroom closet to change. “Besides, if he hadn’t done whatever it is he did that night, we might not be here. So really, if you think about it, I should thank him,” he says, grinning at her. 

Donna smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. She picks at her fingers some more. “Josh—“

“What movie do you wanna see?” he interrupts. “I think the old theater downtown is showing My Fair Lady, which wouldn’t be my first choice, but their popcorn is better than the multiplex.”

She lets him change the topic and doesn’t say anything more about her ex, just locks that door up tight in her mind, and gives Josh a real smile when he wanders out. 

“You can’t go wrong with Audrey.”

“Good,” he says, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Let’s go to dinner beforehand. I feel like we haven’t done a full date night since the campaign.”

“That’s because we haven’t,” she responds, her hands coming up to curl through his wet hair. “How about we go to Maggie’s for some chicken fried steak. We can walk to the theater and run into that gas station on the corner beforehand to sneak candy in.”

He gives her that goofy smile she pretends to hate and kisses her cheek. “It’s a date.”

* * *

Neither of them bring up her run in with her ex the rest of the weekend and Donna honestly forgets about it, instead wanting to focus on Josh and how nice it is to have a weekend together without work. She’s secretly glad the filibuster ruined their Florida plans. She didn’t want to watch baseball games anyway and she thinks Josh will agree that a weekend full of doing absolutely nothing but having copious amounts of sex was far more productive. 

She’s loath to return to work on Monday; bringing the cover over her head as Josh hits the alarm, and she groans when he tries to move the duvet. 

“No,” she mumbles. 

“We gotta go to work, Donna.”

“Why?”

“To earn some money and maybe help the country.”

“That’s likely.”

He chuckles and moves his hand under the cover to try and pry her grip open. “Come on. I’ll make you breakfast.”

She considers him for a moment before peeking the top of her head out at him. “What kind of breakfast?”

“What do you want?” His hand slides over her thigh under the covers and pulls her closer. “Pancakes, waffles, an omelette… The possibilities are endless.”

She pays real attention to his wandering fingers that are now playing with the waistband of her underwear. She pretends to think again before rolling on top of him completely and sheltering them both in the duvet. He grips both her thighs now and she leans down to kiss him softly. 

“An omelette sounds good,” she murmurs, trailing her lips to his earlobe and nibbling gently. 

He moans quietly when she rubs against his boxers and his fingers flex on her thighs. “I’ll give you the works. Mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, and a bunch of cheese.” He guides her face back to his so he can kiss her again. “With some turkey bacon.”

She hums and grinds against him again. “And toast.”

“Toast is a must,” he groans and rolls over so she's underneath him. He makes quick work of her panties as she pulls him out of his boxers and he grinds against her, a breathy moan escaping her when he hits her clit. “ _Donna_.” 

She doesn’t say anything as she guides him into her, both of them sighing happily at the connection and Josh starts to move at a leisurely pace. Donna grabs hold of his hair and brings him down so she can kiss him again and she whimpers when he drags against her pelvis. 

“Keep going slow,” she mumbles and buries her face in his shoulder, biting at his skin when he drags against her again. “Oh, _Josh_.”

He leans back and grabs her hips to lift them and change the angle, making her cry out when he slides deeper. She clenches around him and his eyes roll back. “Jesus,” he breathes and he speeds up automatically. She moans again and he opens his eyes, watching himself push in and out of her, and he brings his thumb to her sensitive nub. “Come on, baby. I’m so close. I wanna feel you.”

Her eyes shut tight and her hands fly down to hold his wrist. “Faster,” she pants and with a couple more strokes, he feels her flutter before fully toppling over and taking him with her. Josh’s hips stutter as her core squeezes him and he collapses next to her when he goes completely soft. 

“I fucking love you,” he says and she laughs before rolling over on top of him again. 

“Now it’s a good morning,” she says and kisses him again. “And you owe me breakfast.”

“You’ve earned it,” he agrees breathlessly. “Just gimme a minute for my soul to return to my body.”

She smirks and kisses him again before flipping out of bed and walking toward the bathroom. “I expect a full spread when I’m done showering,” she orders and he only throws a thumbs-up at her before she closes the door. 

* * *

The week goes by without much incident. It’s been fairly slow with the lead up to the Correspondents Dinner this weekend, and with Abbey up in Manchester, Donna hasn’t had much excitement on her side of the building either. 

That changes Thursday evening when she sees her schedule for tomorrow and huffs when her ex-boyfriend’s name is on it for the afternoon. She forgot about him and was hoping he wouldn’t call her office, but she should’ve known she wouldn’t be that lucky. 

She finds Josh later on when her day is done in his office and she rolls her eyes internally at how dark he has it in here. 

“You have these things called light switches, you know,” she notes as she leans against his doorway. “This looks like a torture chamber.”

He smiles as he looks at her from his computer. “It’s supposed to.” She wanders around his office and he goes back to his memo. “You done for the night?”

“Yeah. How close are you?”

He sighs and rolls his head around on his shoulders. so she comes up behind him and massages the knots gently. “Probably another hour,” he says and he tilts his head down so she has better access. “Oh, right there. That feels good.”

She bends to kiss the top of his head. “Cab or car?”

“Take the car. You know I don’t like you taking a cab after 8.”

She smiles and runs her hands forward to wind her arms around his neck so she can lean down and kiss his cheek. “Okay.” She looks at the computer screen. “Whatcha workin’ on?”

“I honestly couldn’t tell you.”

She chuckles. “They really have the best and brightest running the country, don't they?”

He grumbles and turns his head toward her. “Did you come over here to mock me?”

“No,” she murmurs and kisses him softly. “That’s just a bonus.”

He purses his lips, but gives her one more kiss before sighing and going back to his keyboard. “I’ll see you at home?”

She stands up straight and tries to flatten his wild hair. “You will.”

“Are you hungry?”

“No, I had dinner with Andy in my office.”

“Okay.” 

He starts typing away and Donna walks away, biting her lip, and decides to just blurt it out. “I have a meeting scheduled with Jason tomorrow.”

Josh freezes. “Who?” She doesn’t say anything so he turns toward her and she gives him the _you know_ look. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Josh turns back to his computer. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He turns all the way around to look at her. “You don’t _want_ to have the meeting, right?”

“No.”

“But you have to.”

“Yes.”

Josh shrugs. “Okay.”

She frowns. “ _Okay_?”

“I’m confused,” he says. “Do you _want_ me to be mad about this?”

“No, but… I don’t know. You’re normally a very jealous person, so this isn’t the reaction I was expecting.”

He scoffs. “I’m not _jealous_.”

“Josh, you got mad at the bartender for singing me Happy Birthday last year.”

“He had his hand on your arm!”

“He’s also very happy with his _boyfriend_.”

He rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I’m not jealous and I’m not mad. I know I don’t have anything to worry about.”

“No, you don’t,” she agrees and he turns back to his computer. Her brow is still furrowed at the easiness of this conversation, but she walks back over to him and pulls his face up to kiss him. “Don't be too long,” she murmurs and kisses him again, longer and deeper this time. 

“‘Kay,” he says dazedly as she walks away from him. She’s already halfway down the hall when he blinks and rolls his chair back a little so he can see her retreating figure. “Love you!”

* * * 

Donna walks into her office the next day after her morning staff meeting, her nose buried in her planner as she writes some last minute notes. She meanders over to her desk, still looking down, until something red catches her eye. She looks up and her mouth falls open when she sees a massive bouquet of red roses sitting on her desk. Anxiety pricks her skin and she analyzes the calendar quickly, making sure she didn’t miss something important, but it’s only April 20th. Nothing’s on her planner or comes to mind.

She walks around her desk and sees there’s a card. 

_Happy anniversary, Donnatella. Best four years of my life._ _Love, Joshua_

Her frown only grows deeper. Their anniversary is in November, and it’ll only be their third. What is he talking about?

But then it hits her. She found him again at Yale four years ago. That makes sense. But the frown doesn’t leave her brow because he’s never celebrated this anniversary before. 

She sits down and doesn’t have to think very long when she looks at her schedule and remembers who she’s meeting with in a couple hours.

“Not jealous, my ass,” she scoffs, ignoring the flowers and going back to work.

* * *

“Hello,” Donna says later that night, walking past Josh briskly and toward his bullpen. She hasn’t seen him all day.

“How ya doin’?” he replies brightly, falling in step with her, and her annoyance with him grows. 

“I’m doin’ fine.”

“Did you get the flowers?” he smirks, walking backwards so he can keep looking at her.

“Yes, I did.”

“Did you like them?”

“They’re very pretty.”

“Well, they're for a very pretty girl.”

Donna rolls her eyes and steps into his office. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Joshua,” she says, flicking through some folders in his inbox until she finds the one she’s looking for and snags it. She stands up straight and looks at him leaning against his doorway with his arms crossed and a big smile on his face. 

“Do you know why I gave them to you?” he asks, still smiling.

“I know why you _think_ you gave them to me.”

“It’s our anniversary.”

“Josh, our anniversary is in November,” she reminds him. 

“Sure, our wedding anniversary, but four years ago _today_ was when we met for the first time.”

“We met in February. This is April and you’re an idiot.”

He rolls his eyes this time. “I like remembering the first time I saw you naked in February, but I didn’t know your name and you left me all alone the next morning. This is the day I choose to celebrate. Our Yale Reunion day.”

She gives him a look and walks over to him. “And this has nothing to do with my ex-boyfriend.”

Josh scoffs. “I told you; I’m not worried about Dr. _Freeride_.”

“You also told me you weren’t jealous, which, clearly, was a lie.”

“I’m not jealous!”

“So you didn’t send me flowers to mark your territory?”

“Donna, I would _never—_ “

“You didn’t celebrate last year,” she states. “You sure this isn’t because I had a meeting with him today?”

“That meeting _happening_ to fall on this particular day is pure coincidence,” he argues, his face the picture of innocence. 

“Yeah, I bet,” she mutters, narrowing her eyes at him and walking past him and toward her own office.

“Look, Ado Annie, I sent you flowers!” he exclaims, following her out the door. “I think what you’re trying to say is ‘why thank you, honey, they're beautiful. How very thoughtful of you. Not many husbands would’ve been that thoughtful.’”

“Really?” she asks, walking down the stairs into the east wing with Josh right behind her. He grabs her hand. “‘Cause what I think I was trying to say was ‘shove it’.”

Josh huffs a little as they round the corner to her office. “‘Kay, well, I guessed wrong,” he says and turns around to head back up to the Roosevelt Room, but she doesn’t let go of his hand so he doesn’t get very far. 

“Where are you going now?”

“Me and Sam are punching up the thing for tomorrow. Hey, we need funny people,” Josh says and Donna perks up. “You know any?”

He laughs as she rolls her eyes again and drops his hand this time to go back into her office. He grabs her waist and tugs her around before she can get too far. “I’m kidding,” he says and wraps his arms around her. “I think you’re an hysterically funny person.” Donna picks some lint off his sweater as he continues grinning at her. “Did you notice how I used ‘an’ there properly?” 

“Yes, I did,” she replies, a small smile peeking out on her face. 

“You crack me up,” he murmurs and gives her a quick kiss. 

“You know,” she says and wraps her arms around his neck as he kisses her again, “there are times I really hate your breathing guts.”

He grins at her fondly and kisses her cheek sweetly. “Flowers really did the trick, huh?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Come with me,” he says, bumping against her. “Sam’s ordering chinese and I had him get the honey chicken just for you.”

Donna bites her lip and steps out of his arms to walk past him. “Fine, but only because I’m starving,” she says and walks back up the stairs. 

* * *

They meet Ed and Larry in the Roosevelt Room just as the chinese food arrives. Donna sits down and immediately forks some honey chicken on her plate as Josh sits down across from her and rereads the speech. She’s just opened a fortune cookie as Sam comes in and she smiles to herself when she sees the message: _you are right where you need to be_. She puts it in her pocket as Josh reads off more of the bad jokes in the speech and winces thinking about the president actually reading them aloud. She’s interrupted from her thoughts when Ainsley draws her attention. 

“Donna, who gave you those beautiful flowers on your desk?” she asks as they continue to pass around the food. 

“I did. Me. Those are from me,” Josh pipes up proudly as Donna scowls. 

“What’s the occasion?”

“It’s our anniversary.”

“Our _not_ anniversary,” Donna says.

“Donna doesn’t like to talk about it,” Josh says, grinning happily and knocking her foot with his under the table. 

“I really don’t.” 

“Josh and Donna met a few years ago in DC, but after a sordid night, she snuck out and left him,” Sam says and Josh quirks an eyebrow. 

“Never did I describe it to you as _sordid_ ,” Josh notes as Donna shoots daggers at them both. “I just wanna make that clear.”

“They ran into each other a couple months later at Yale and the rest is history,” Sam finishes, shrugging at Donna. 

Ainsley just raises her eyebrows, not wanting to wade too deep in the Josh and Donna Chronicles, so she says, “well, they’re nice flowers.”

“Sam, don’t encourage him,” Donna admonishes, ignoring her. “He’s already on thin ice and I doubt you want him sleeping on your couch when I kick him out.”

Ainsley chuckles as Donna sits back down from grabbing an egg roll. “I didn’t even bring up the ex-boyfriend element,” Sam says, raising his hands in surrender. 

“Thanks, Sam,” Josh mutters, shooting him a glare. 

“There is no ex-boyfriend element.”

“Didn’t you have a meeting with him today?” Sam asks and Josh inhales as he makes his way over to the other side of the table to sit next to Donna. 

“I met with a committee chairman who wants the First Lady to advocate for a bill that gives doctors more paid time off.”

“That’s it?” Ainsley asks. “No new equipment or medicine? Or advocacy for understaffed and underpaid nurses? Just more time off. For doctors.”

“He suggested we take a week off women’s maternity leave to offset the difference.”

“Wow. That’s idiotic.”

“Yes.”

“So, how does your ex-boyfriend fit in?”

Sam smirks. “That idiot _is_ her ex-boyfriend.” 

Donna whacks Josh upside the head. “Ow! The hell was that for? I didn’t say anything!”

“I felt your internal agreement.”

“Well, he is an idiot,” Josh says, grinning over at her. “His loss was my gain.”

“Do you _want_ to spend the night on Sam’s couch?”

“...no.”

“Then stop talking.”

Josh just purses his lips and goes back to writing another joke down. The six of them work for the next half hour or so, trading subpar jokes back and forth and not really getting anywhere. After a while, Josh stretches and throws an arm behind her chair. 

“Are you really gonna kick me out?” he asks, his voice low as everyone continues talking around them. 

Donna doesn’t look up from her index cards. “Are you done being a possessive caveman?”

“I don’t know. Is Dr. Idiot still hangin’ around? I heard he asked you if you wanted to have dinner.”

She stops at that and looks over at him. “Where did you hear that?”

He shrugs. “People tell me things.”

“What’d you do, Josh? Bribe my assistant with a $20 to eavesdrop on me?”

“Capitals tickets, actually.”

“God, you are unbelievable,” she exclaims and Sam raises his eyebrows at them. “I’m surprised you didn’t just bug the flower bouquet.”

“I felt like that was too far.” Donna’s eyes flash, but before she can smack him again, he turns toward Sam. “Is there anything old that we can reuse?”

Sam gives him the name of a speech and Josh tosses his pen on the desk before excusing himself. Donna huffs and prays for patience before she follows him out to strangle him. She’s grateful when Sam and Ainsley also leave so she can focus on the task at hand and not think about that damn meeting earlier today or about Josh being a smug bastard. 

She, Ed, and Larry come up with a few jokes by the time Ainsley and Sam get back with coffee, and she’s feeling better knowing the president won’t look like a complete buffoon at the Correspondents Dinner. She doesn’t even realize Josh is still missing until Sam asks where he is. She gets up from her seat. 

“I’ll find him.” 

* * *

“Josh,” Donna calls as she walks into his office. 

“Shit,” he exclaims as binders tumble down around him. He stares down at the mess for a moment. “Well, that was predictable.”

“Yes.”

“I’m trying to find that speech Sam was talking about.”

“You know, your 1,100 employees keep them on the computer,” she replies pointedly. 

“Well, yeah, I suppose…”

“Josh, you really gotta join the 21st century and learn how to work a computer.”

“I’ll get right on that,” he says and leans down to pick up the mess. 

“Josh, Josh, Josh,” Donna sighs and walks over to help him. 

“Yes?”

“Joshua, Josh, Josh.”

“What the hell is happening right now?” he says, smirking up at her. 

“I’m gonna give you a little treat right now even though we both know you don’t deserve it.”

“Are we gonna have sex in my office?” he whispers, his eyebrows raising. 

“No,” she says firmly. “Inauguration was a one-time thing. I don’t trust all 3 of your doors.”

“I promise you they lock, babe. I can prove it right now.”

“I need you to stop being... _you_ for a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees, a soft smile still on his face. 

Donna takes a breath and looks up at him. “Remember after we got together at Yale and we were eating pizza on my couch, I told you I left my ex because he wanted me to pay for everything?”

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s a worthless Republican.”

Donna smirks. “Well, that wasn’t the full story.”

Josh’s brows furrow together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been debating back and forth all week on whether or not to tell you and…” 

“Tell me what?”

She closes her eyes for a moment before looking back at him. “I didn’t only leave him because of money,” she says and she wrings her hands together nervously. “He… put his hands on me.”

Josh’s breathing gets a little heavier and his voice becomes deadly. “What do you mean?”

“That night in February... we were at the conference and we were arguing about money and about what I was going to do when I graduated and he’d been drinking and—“

She cuts herself off and Josh grabs her hand, rubbing her knuckles softly. “And what?”

“He hit me,” she says matter-of-factly and Josh’s hold tightens. “And I’m not telling you this because I want any kind of retaliation, Josh, so please get that murderous look out of your eye.”

“I’m gonna kill him,” he says and he goes to stand up, but she pulls him down. 

“No, you’re not. I handled it already.”

“How?”

“I left and I went to a bar and I found you,” she says quietly and offers him a smile. “Which is the point of my telling you this. That meeting today was to tell him how stupid his pitch was, okay? It wasn’t two exes talking about old times. Abbey wants nothing to do with him or his little committee, so I let him down myself and honestly, it made me feel better. I got to humiliate him in my _own_ office in the _White House_ in front of a big bouquet of flowers that my _husband_ sent me, despite your possessive intentions,” she says, grabbing both of his hands in hers. “You don’t need to mark your territory or worry about him, or anyone else for that matter, okay? I love you. I picked you and I will always pick you, Josh. I appreciate the flowers and today is an important day, but I don’t like remembering it this way.”

“Donna,” he whispers and he tugs her to him. She lets him pull her into a big hug, his hands rubbing up and down her back soothingly. “He really hit you?” he asks and he hugs her harder when she nods her head against him. He kisses her shoulder and her temple before finally leaning back. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me! _No one_ gets away with—“

“Josh,” she interrupts, grabbing his face in her hands, “you were the only one to leave lasting marks on me that night,” she murmurs and looks up at him through her lashes. “Physical and otherwise.”

“You asked me to,” he whispers, bringing his hands up to wrap around her wrists, flashing back to that first night when she’d whispered for him to mark her. “You left some on me, too.”

“Yes, I did,” she says, smiling at the memory. “I wanted to feel in control again and you helped me get that back. The next morning, I wasn’t thinking about his hands hurting me, but _your_ hands… loving me and how I hated that I had to leave you,” she finishes a little shyly and she drops her hands from his face. “I needed those few weeks to get my bearings. I was alone for the first time in a while and I didn’t leave you my number because I wanted that time by myself to figure everything out. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to approach you again, but seeing you give that speech…” She smiles. “I knew I was ready and had to be near you. And…” she pauses to dig through her pocket for the fortune from earlier and shows it to him. “I’m right where I need to be.” Josh looks at the words, a soft smile on his face as he brushes her cheek with the back of his hand lovingly. “You’re it, Josh. From that first second.”

Josh sits up a little and stares right into her eyes, his fingers still tracing her cheek. “I will _never_ hurt you, Donnatella.”

“I know you won’t.”

“And I’m sorry for sending you flowers in a douchey way.”

She chuckles at that and stands up. Josh exhales and looks down again to grab the binder he needed before taking her hand as she hauls him to his feet. 

“The flowers are beautiful,” she murmurs, sliding her arm around his waist as he wraps his around her shoulders and leads her back to the Roosevelt Room. 

“I’m still gonna sic the IRS on that asshole,” Josh warns and Donna only smiles wickedly. 

“I already did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite part of writing this chapter was giving myself an excuse to watch 17 People another four or five times for research purposes. It's just the best.

**Author's Note:**

> This third part will be where I take my liberties with canon and flub it all to fit my narrative :) There are so many story lines I love that I want to remix, so I'm not sure how many chapters there will be. The possibilities are endless! (I skipped over season 1, though. For now. I might go back to it later on.) 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all had a great holiday. It was my first one not being at my grandparents house, so it was a little strange, but it's better to be safe than sorry. :) Zoom worked just fine for us and nothing turned political, so I call it a win!


End file.
